Chew on This

MIA

2005-09-08T11:17:00.000-05:00

Long story short, I'm taking a break. I need a break. I have WAY too much on my plate to even WANT to jack with things.

I have school, I just moved, my house is still in chaos. I've pretty much obtained 2 whole new families and have the previous one to deal with.

I've hardly talked about my "other family". One because I didn't want to advertise it and two, because I don't know much. Well, they've found ME. Kind of cool, still apprehensive, but I'm getting over it and moving on and I am curious to see how it goes.

I decided to hold off telling my parental units about it, but, my dad found out. He's cool, so far, but it's only been 24 hours and we're trying to keep it from my mom for a bit because she'll have an absolute coronary. My relationship with her is hot on the rocks at the moment any damn way, I don't want to throw this in the fire as well.

The other family I've gained is EJ and her daughter. We're doing well, in the first week anyway, and it's like we've started a family of our own. I love them to pieces and I hope, pray and really do think it'll work out.

School is insane and doesn't seem like it's going to get much better. I've lost my focus and I'm trying to get it back. It'll be hard, but I've got to tough through it. I can't lose my momentum or I'll regret it.

Things with E are awesome, better than ever and seem to be constantly improving. I hope for this situation as well. So far, that's a few bonuses all together.

On a bad note, things with Stein have gotten explosive. I tried to be civil but she outright pissed me off and I lost my temper and still haven't found it. Last night she left me a message stating that she's just going to borrow the money she owes me and pay it to me today to get it over with. Sounds good, we'll just see if A) she follows through and B) if the check clears.

We'll see. But in the meantime, I'm taking a break from bloggging. I've been a terrible blogger for the past few months anyway. I may pop up occasionally, I may not. I'm not 100% sure what I'm going to do at this point. Hope all's well with everyone out there and hope I'll see ya'all around.

Dazed and Confused

2005-08-26T16:29:00.000-05:00

I know, I've been neglecting. To be honest, it's been a combination between being busy, stress and just no muse. I really wanted to try and catch up today, so, I did.

There's been a new reader/commenter lately that I was curious in. I clicked away and started reading. There was one post in particular that caught my attention. The more I read, the more involved I became until I realized why. Everything sounded so familiar, everything sounded similar to ME, but from a different perspective.

I was born in the south, my parents divorced when I was very young and I haven't heard from my birth father in a long time. Last thing I knew, I had 2 younger half siblings. There are many other details that match, but the MAIN parts are age, gender, and STATES. Yes, plural. I was born and lived in the same one this person is from. The other state is a little more interesting.

About 6 years ago, I got curious. What is my "other" family up to? Where are they? When I went away to college the first time, I tried to find them and was unsuccessful. Then I found an internet white pages and it all unfolded. I found him. I HAD to have found him. He lives in the same state this person does, as well.

Out of curiosity, I looked it up again today. He still lives there. Crap! Could it be? It couldn't. I think I'm crazy. These thoughts haven't passed through my mind in years. I never really wanted to find him. I knew the answers to my questions would be sooner found at the bottom of a bottle of Jim Beam than through him. It's my siblings that I was more interested in. Now, the slightest possibility is out there and I have to say I'm confused.

There are many minimal things that match, but these things could be "linked" by John Edwards or some quack in the same field. Who knows. Maybe I'm just crazy and rambling...

Somebody better put them on a leash

2005-08-26T14:48:00.000-05:00

After work last night I went on an errand run. Normal, typical stuff, and in actuality, killing a bit of time before E got off work so I didn't have to sit in his apartment alone.

I'm wandering around Target, on a mission but just looking around in general, when this troop of boys go by. They're between 12 and 15 years old, no need for razors and lucky if their balls had dropped.

The first time they walked across my path they stared and whispered. A few minutes later they must have gained a little confidence because they were closer to me when they made their sweep of my area. The last and final time, they must have all put their pubes together.

"I'd fuck her," one of them said.

I looked up, cocked my head to the side and made a simple reply.

"Not even with a stolen dick."

Mama hen came tearing around the corner behind them, eyes wide, pushing them along and shoving them towards the door. She really should have made muzzles mandatory.

BOOM shake shake shake tha room!

2005-08-18T16:54:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here, acting like I'm working while I'm actually shopping on the internet, when I hear a huge THUD and I could feel the floor shaking. I saw it partly peripherally, but it didn't really connect in my mind until I looked toward the direction of the noise.

I looked over and I saw wisps of blonde hair sticking out from behind the desk and one foot on either side of it. Mrs. Nazi leaned over out of her chair to get something and went to sit back down, missed and hit the floor so hard that her feet flew up, skirt was halfway up her back and was pretty much in a pike position.

My first reaction was "Oh My God, are you ok?"

My question was answered with a giggle and I lost it. Absolutely LOST it. I started laughing then realized how rude it was and tried to stifle it. For some reason, it was so enormously humerous to me that I couldn't control myself. I had to put my head between my hands like I was thoroughly examining a policy and could feel myself shaking from laughing on the inside. My eyes started watering, body trembling, nose running and the muffled uproar of a laugh was coming out like some weird groan.

Finally I got up and left like I was going to the bathroom. I hightailed it down the stairs and out the doors and let loose outside. I was laughing so hard out there that D sent me an email after I got back asking me what the hell I was doing out there cuz she could hear it through the window. Luckily, she's the only one near the window and no one else heard me.

All I kept thinking was that Mrs. Vain-perfect- snobby- above everyone else not only bit the big one, but did it so un-lady like that she looked like a turtle on it's back. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes all over again.

WHY ME?

2005-08-16T13:34:00.000-05:00

A typical me situation just happened.

I ran to get lunch with my coworker. I dropped her off in front of the restaurant to run in to get our order (it's a busy area of town and there's never ANY parking). I went to go around the corner to take a lap around the block and stopped at a red light. This guy turned and was driving past me the opposite direction, stopped, rolled down his window and started waving and shouting to get my attention.

I looked over and he was grinning away, with teeth missing, a huge wad of chew and a monster unibomber hairdo. I quickly turned away, concentrating on wishing the light red. He kept at it. I locked my door. He STAYED there. The light turned green, I proceeded to roll forward to go and took one last look at the attempted molester. He was driving a Johnny on the Spot truck. Go figure.

Boxes, boxes and MORE boxes

2005-08-15T10:17:00.000-05:00

Well, I packed more this weekend. I have over 2/3 done. Thank GOD. I'm doing fairly well.

Stein's gonna SHIT when she sees it, if she hasn't already. Almost the whole entire kitchen is packed up. We didn't have enough boxes to get it ALL, but we at least packed up a majority of what she'd use. AND, just out of spite, I went through and took off everything from the walls in the livingroom. Just because I'm vendictive like that.

I wanted her to walk in and have that "I've been cleaned out" feeling. I think she'll get it. I hope anyway. I did leave the dishes that were in the dishwasher for her to use though. Just to be nice. It's a couple plates, a couple pieces of silverware, 2 pots and a couple bowls. The glasses were hers, so no loss there. I'm gonna send her an email this week and tell her that I'll be back next weekend to pack up EVERYTHING else, she'll need to have the dishes cleaned so I can pack them and the satellite out of her room because it's MINE and I'm taking it with.

PLUS, I'm only paying 1/2 the electric bill for last month. She screwed me out of a couple months bills, and I'm not staying there this month, so I don't see why I have to pay for all of last month and anything for this month. It's rediculous. The way we had the bills split was that she payed all of water/trash/sewage and all of the phone/internet bill. I paid all the electricity bill. In the end, I got kinda screwed on it.

I didn't use the land line, didn't even WANT one. I just used the internet. So technically, I should have only been paying 1/2 WTS and 1/2 internet only. We split it that way because I wasn't trying to be petty, and also because the only thing that was in my name was the electric. Also, that way, we both payed about $100 a month in bills. Well, not anymore. Forget it. I'm DONE. I paid 1/2 of the bill and took my name off of it and am in the clear. If she gets petty about me being there an extra 2 days before I move then I'll pay her my half of the rent, prorated. Forget HER.

The Final Say So

2005-08-08T09:29:00.000-05:00

I love EJ. I really do. She went along Friday for the big convo, and totally ran it. I mean RAN it.

I got an email from Stein Friday telling me how she thinks the original email came out wrong and that she's hoping we can come to a good middle ground and she's not trying to push me away and blah blah blah.

So, I went in, sat down and told her that I read her email and it was too late. After the nasty gram I received earlier that week, I'm not too pleased about it. Then EJ jumped in, said she was there as a middle person, because she knew that tensions would be high and it was such a passionate affair and didn't want my temper to blow or her to get too overly upset. Also, she's been in that position before and Stein's complaints are unreasonable.

Stein went into a big conversation about how the one other time she lived away from home was with her boyfriend and how she felt guilty about it, and it makes her feel uncomfortable with my boyfriend staying over. EJ said, well, how do YOU know, you're never home. I asked her how she can feel guilty for ME for starters, and how she doesn't feel guilty staying at her boyfriends house all the time. No answer, of course.

Then she went into how people being around (including me) felt like an invasion to her privacy. It basically boiled down to her wanting a roommate to help with the bills, but not a roommate physically there. That was obviously something that we never talked about. So, EJ then talked the situation down to us not knowing the expectations and that it's better off if we went our own ways, we have a place to live, we're moving on this date and that's it.

Stein asked if it was going to effect our friendship. I told her that things will be strained a bit. After the misunderstanding, the email and the stress of moving, it'll be tough, but I'm not saying things can't ease up and get comfortable afterwards. She totally loosened up and we were able to BS for a bit afterwards. In the end, EJ and I both think that she was just naive and had no clue what was going on. She wasn't really intentionally being mean or evil, she was just oblivious.

AND, she even talked about paying me back. Obviously I'm not going to get it immediately, but she said she'd give it to me. I'm not holding my breath, but there was a witness and if I do get it, it'll just be a bonus.

NOW, we're planning the move, I've already gotten my bedroom packed up and I'm SO excited!

The Ultimatum

2005-08-03T16:09:00.000-05:00

Monday, noon, while at work, I received a nasty gram from my roommate. The email consisted of this:

A) she's mad at me for E being over a lot.
B) she's mad at me because she talked to me about E being there and I ignored her.
C) she's mad at me because E was there for an hour after I left for work that morning.
D) she's mad at me because E used HER washer and dryer without asking her.
E) she's mad at me because she doesn't feel like she lives there.

So she gave me the choice of:
1) pretty much dumping my boyfriend (which she admitted won't happen and probably won't change anything if I did do it)
2) her moving out (and she went into explicit detail on how it would work, how it would be best, and how soon she'll move out)
3) I move (that was it "or you move out...")

Here's what I have to say about that:
A) he's over when she's not there, so how would she know?
B) she asked for him to not be there so much, and we complied. He stayed Friday because we had a party and Sunday because he always stays Sundays. That's it.
C) that was the one and only time he did that, he doesn't have a key, and he stayed to use my computer for school and grab his clothes.
D) him using the washer/dryer was ME, and most of it was MY clothes. Plus, this is only the third time I've used the damn things myself, so back off. And another PLUS, if she has a problem about anyone using the machines, then she shouldn't use MY stuff. It'll be REALLY hard to live there without using the couches, tables, tv's, satellite, dishes, pots/pans and silverware. The only thing that's general use in the joint that happens to be hers is the coffee pot, quesadilla maker, washer and dryer and glasses.
E) she's the one who chose to have me buy everything and as for her not living there, she DOESN'T, she's never there any goddamn way.

For starters, I moved in the first weekend of March. I paid the deposit, last months rent (all of it) then rent for March and April. I also paid for the phone, which I didn't want, the first two months all alone. She didn't pay ANY utilities until May. Then she was gone all of June and she told me the day before she left that she wasn't paying rent that month because it wasn't fair that she had to since she wasn't going to be there. Plus she didn't pay utilities for May or June.

Now, let's get into technicalities. She didn't ask me if she could have a party last Friday, she TOLD me she was having one. She's on the lease, I'm not, I'm on there as an "occupant". Yet she wants me to take over the lease. In order for me to do that, I'd have to apply on my own. She's also not finding me anyone to replace her. Million to one says that she thinks I'll get help from my parents. Any time I confronted her on money issues, she says "well, you're dad's paying for it anyway".

She demanded an answer by 5pm that night. I told her I wasn't going to be home. I also told her that I wouldn't have an answer for her for a few days. I checked with the apartment office and they said that she can't change the locks until September. Now, EJ and I are looking for a place together. Forget her. We're getting our ducks in a row and finding a place and getting my important stuff out before I have the pow wow with her. Also, I'm having a witness for the "talk" because the last few times I've had important talks with her, she's changed her story after the fact.

Hopefully we can find a place and get my stuff out without an incident. The sad thing is that she also comes off as this helpless and naive and the sweet little christian elementary school teacher. I'm pretty sure it's because she's terrible at money, she blew all her savings in Europe on her trip and she can't afford to stay there, so she's trying to shaft me into it by blaming all the issues on me.

E really isn't there that often, but neither is she. I haven't done anything wrong in this situation but she's trying to turn the tables. It not only sucks because this is insane, but also because this is going to split our friends up. And I KNOW she's going to have a coronary when I tell her to shove it and she can keep her doggon lease! Actually, after all this shit, I'm kinda looking forward to the look on her face when I tell her.

It's ALIVE!

2005-07-29T15:39:00.000-05:00

Or I am. Last time I checked, I wasn't an it.... Though, it has been a while. I digress.

SO, I made it through my action packed semester. I got my grades back, got an A. Woo hoo! I did well on my papers, just not on my conversations. 1/3 of the grade was comments on a bulletin board. Unfortunately, when I got around to posting my comments, everyone had said everything worthwhile, so I kind of slacked off. I guess when I did comment it was good enough that I still got an A on it, so, not too shabby. All the hard work paid off.

God forbid I get a B in an English class, I'm an English major for pete's sake! I signed up for my fall classes, and I get a month break, thank goodness. I'm going to relax and try and read for pleasure for a bit. I have 3 books calling out my name, I just can't pick any of them up at the moment. I need a break for a few days.

Judy's wedding was a couple weeks ago. Got that done and over with. I pulled a typical me maneuver. Well, the whole debacle was a typical me thing, actually. I wore a cute top to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, not noticing that when I sat down the fabric tended to slide and my bra just GLARED out at you. I wondered why the photographer was always by me...

Skip to photos before the wedding. We're all standing in line, talking, going to take our turns doing photos with the bride. My turn comes, I step, trip on my dress and say "SHIT" really loud, in the middle of the church. Everyone waiting looked at me like they were going to faint. Gotta love those bible thumping Baptists AND Mormons.

Cue to 20 minutes later when the whole bridal party is taking a big picture with the bride. We're trying to calm Judy down cuz she's freaking out so bad and I offer her one of my "happy pills". Someone asked if they were legal. I said, well, they're legal for me to take, so I don't know if I'm just overmedicated or a drug dealer. They wanted to know why I took them, so I said, in my usual loud tone (I don't notice I'm so loud until it becomes obvious) "well, you should all be happy that I'm medicated so I'm not noshing on the little ones". Again, the family and friends gathered just stared at me.

Several more LZ originals came out that night, but I won't bore with the details. On a good front, we're planning our yearly pilgrimmage. When I did my emergency evacuation from when I lived with CA, I moved in with my parents. My dad said that now that I'm living there, I had to go back to school, no excuses, and he'd pay. Little did he know that I'd been taking a class here and there for a year already. So, I of course complied. Then he said that if I stayed in school and did a good job, not only would he pay for it, but he'd pay for my hotel to take a mini vacation. Requirements were one week or less, and friends only, no boyfriends or partners on any of our parts were allowed to go.

Last year was the first year. We went to the local water hot spot a couple hours away (read LAKE). This year, we're off to Chicago. Every time I go to Chicago I'm with a bunch of religious people or younguns. The last time I went without that scenerio was before I was of "drinking age". This is the first trip where we can bar hop and I'm researching the good clubs and bars like a mad woman. Yes, I am THAT nerdy. At least I try to be a trendy nerd.

I'm pumped though. We've planned it so we'll be there for 4 days, hit all the good tourist places and shopping, go to a few clubs and bars, EJ and I are even sneaking away to hit a Hookah lounge, and also see the Blue Man Group. It's going to be a blast! WOO HOO! Anyone have any ideas of out of the norm places that I can't miss, let me know!

Blogging, I Miss You!

2005-07-06T01:38:00.000-05:00

I really need to get caught up on my blogging. For REAL. I'm so behind. I feel negligent.

At the time, life is so hectic with school and trying to keep my sanity, I think I'm keeping things on track, but still. This blows. I will never, EVER, sign up for a writing/reading intensive course for a short semester. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but DAMN, it's exhausting. A full complete novel and a 3-5 page analysis paper every 3 days is NOT FUN.

Plus, I'm an English major, and a perfectionist, so me not getting an A in the class is NOT an option. I think I'd be devastated and retake the class. Seriously. Ya'all think I'm lying and you can ask EJ, it's no joke.

I did however survive my weekend. Things were insane at times, I'm still lacking sleep (the fact that I'm up at 2am is a true fact of this) and I am SORE. It's my own dumb asses fault, I know this.

I feel very artistic at the moment though. I was afraid that the meds would take it out of me, but I'm really feeling it more lately. Maybe it's because I'm absorbed in book after book and my imagination is running wild. I just wish I had time to explore it. I need to write down my ideas and keep a list of everything. Maybe I can use my couple weeks break from school and put it to good use. I hope I don't lose it by then...

Ya'all Come Back Now, Ya'here?

2005-06-30T12:27:00.000-05:00

So, stopped by parental units house last night and got the official invite to their 4th of July party. They're smart and having it on the 2nd...

WHICH so happens to be the same day as Judy's bachelorette party. Fun fun. She got so fed up about how her MOH (Ghetto) jacked up her bridal shower that she did her OWN bach. party. Well, that and she's a prude and didn't want strippers or dildo's.

So she planned dinner for everyone, then going bar hopping. Now, this sounds like a good idea, but I'm low on funds since I was left to fend for myself for a month while my bum roomie was gone, plus there's only so much of certain people that I can tolerate. So, I decided to half it. Go to the family party when it starts at 6 and then head out to meet everyone at one bar or another.

As easy as this sounds, it isn't. When my family throws a party, they throw a BASH. My mom's been planning a certain theme party since last fall and is going to do it for the party this Saturday. It sounds like SO MUCH FUN.

The theme is a White Trash party. Now, don't get offended. My mom and I of all people can say WT without being derogatory. We grew up in the south, lived in trailers, ate government cheese and picked cotton. My mom even worked at a sweat shop sewing those itchy labels into clothing. So, I can NOT be considered mean by saying those two words.

The White Trash Bash is Saturday. It is going to be a blast. My dad is filling a trash can with ice and putting all the drinks in it. Supposedly, Mom has a camode to put in the front lawn and I got a bunch of pink flamingo's last fall for it. E said we're missing the beat up car with the wheels missing but my old car is in their driveway (supposed to be a hand me down for sister learning to drive) and it has a couple flats. They're going to bust out the three man slingshot for water balloons (I was trying to get them to use rubbers but there are going to be kids) and have water fights galore.

The invite. It came in a brown paper bag, with my name written on it in Sharpie. Inside, there was a Scott toilet paper wrapper, with the details of the party written inside.

"Yu'r 'vited ta the purty.
[Details]
Brang uh dish ta pass, yer lawn cha'rs an' a game ya'd like ta play. Rem'ber, ya'all will git wet!

Git'er dun and say ya'all thar."

Knock Knock

2005-06-29T21:26:00.000-05:00

Or should I say, Nice Knockers.

Why thank you doctor...

I'm in an odd mood. Have been for a while now. I think maybe that it's a combination between stress, lack of sleep, brain scramble and from being just plain TIRED. A lot has happened lately, actutally. Things are never simple for me.

Let's see, I've spent every single day with E practically since we've met back up and it's been great. My chair exploded at work and things have been so super crazy that I've hardly even noticed the lack of chair. School is insane and all I do is read and write papers.

Poor E, he comes over, practices on his drum pad and watches me do homework. But, I get a rubdown out of the deal, and we talk before we crash out for the night. I saw his band play on Friday, and, well, it was an experience. I love my best friend, poor thing, she's seen them before but let me drag her along anyway. I *heart* EJ!

There were a couple other bands there, one of which we saw at the gig we went to a few weeks ago (the lead singer makes the funniest faces and we ended up calling him a Muppet by the end of the night) and the lead singer that my friends knew happened to be there, too. As for E's band, the BAND played well, the lead singer might as well be Yoko for all I'm concerned.

She had this deep angst driven voice, but there wasn't a great tone to it, you couldn't hear her much except for a mumble, and even when they turned the mic up, you couldn't understand anything. It was like the band played song after song, but she kept repeating the same lyrics over and over. Unfortunately, I tend to be a bit honest, so when he asked me about it, I TOLD him.

Of course I was nice about it, but in the end, he got what I was laying out for him. A couple days later he even asked if I would come listen to his other band practice before they started booking gigs and give my opinion. I'm taking it as a good sign.

Otherwise, I've been enjoying my time sans roommate, and now she comes home tomorrow. Ah, such is life. Hopefully things will start to slow down here soon and I can actually ENJOY my computer...

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2005-06-20T09:28:00.000-05:00

Time to face the change...

Well, I am behind on my homework. I knew it would happen. I still have a 200 something page book to finish and a 4 page paper to write before 11:30 tonight, but it'll work out. I did the same thing last Thursday and still aced it. Although, I better watch it, I probably jinxed myself.

Saturday, I went, got my book for class, STILL can't find my next book, ANYWHERE, and the freaking libraries didn't have ANY of the books I needed for class. So much for me going the cheap route. PLUS, I can't buy the next book I have to read anywhere. No one has it. Two stores said they'd order it but it'd take over a week to get. I'm gonna have to order it online and pay for overnight shipping and HOPE it gets here by Wednesday at the latest.

Finishing my Saturday, I cleaned house (it so needed it) and went to the pool. I officially FRIED myself. I mean, I'm over here starting lobster city. I'm also allergic to aloe so I rely heavily on cocoa butter, so I'm really lobsterfied.

After getting crispy, I went out with EJ, her new "date", a few of his friends (with my mutual friend/wife) and had a nummy dinner and went and saw Batman Begins. Now, I am SUCH a movie critic. I usually TEAR them apart. Friday we saw Mr. & Mrs. Smith and the only redeeming quality about that was seeing Angelina Jolie in tight pleather and kicking some serious ass. BUT, BB, omg, it was unbelievable. I'm actually going to see it again on Friday. I HIGHLY recommend it to ANYONE. And Christian Bale? HOT! Woo hoo!

Yesterday I just got over my sunburn and did Dad's Day. Most of the day was good but my dad drank a bit much and, well, the "family issues" started again. Not as bad as they have been in the past, but more than I want to deal with at the moment. I moved out to avoid that shit.

Luckily, E was over and was a total trooper and calmed me down. Plus he applied the well needed cocoa butter, so I was in tip top shape by the time bedtime hit. Although, the burn is so bad that I woke up every time I moved. That's nice. So now, after two nights of that, I'm TIRED. I really need a good night's sleep.

Things with E are good though. We've done a LOT of talking and getting over things and, well, the whole "going slow" isn't so slow. He's pretty much stayed every night save two since we started hanging out again. No nookie though, I'm being good. I think at this point it's more important to figure things out than go back into old habits. BUT, things are totally different this time around, so we'll see.

Dammit, Jim!

2005-06-13T17:54:00.000-05:00

I just started up my computer and the speakers roared this sound like someone warped into my livingroom. WTF was THAT? I still can't quite figure it out.

Oh well, I'm sure if something was seriously wrong, it will show itself soon enough. On other fronts, I should be doing my homework right now. The homework that is due tonight by 11:30. The same homework that I still have 80 pages of a book to read and a 4 page report to write. I work best under pressure.

It's my own fault, though. Work has been so crazy that I haven't had any time to do any homework or blogging and by the time I get home I crash and burn. I should have caught up this weekend, but I was having too much fun to do something responsible.

Friday, EJ and I went to a gig with some friends that was a blast. It was a bunch of groups that interchange members to do cover songs and then the original members of a couple of the more well known groups get together every few songs to do their own music. There were a few, um, not so great ones, but overall it was a good show.

Afterwards we went to this great bar, had a good time and I suddenly remembered why I don't get together with this group very often. I have TOO much of a good time. I'm a fairly wild person as it is, but I tend to be a bit more so around them. It's a good thing we don't take cameras with us or else I would be in some serious trouble.

I spent all day on Saturday with E. It really was good. I've come to a lot of conclusions lately and since I've been sparce on here, I'll recap, Readers Digest style. A has officially disappeared. A little over a month ago he left to go home after a good weekend together, only to call a week later, and then a week after that and then NOTHING. In the end, I learned a lesson and how much of a capricious and pretentious type of person he was.

I fell more for the type of person I thought he was and what he represented, not really HIM. E on the other hand cleaned up his act (the few things that I had hesitations about) and was persistent, even when in reality, I had done him wrong. I know that now, and I slightly knew it then, but at the time, I was having serious issues and didn't wholly know what was going on. We've talked about a lot of that and he knows that someone else existed, but not the extent of it (also, he dated someone else as well, so we're playing the don't ask/don't tell bit).

No official relationship has been claimed yet, we're just playing things out at the moment. I thtink in the end I was just really scared about what was going on and hit tail and ran. In the end it worked out for both of us. We both got things together.

He is in the process of moving half an hour away to my old college and is entering the music program there. Evidently it's one of the best ones around (I don't know anything about this) and I guess the drum instructor is supposed to be well known (again, I don't know anything about this). Sorry KK, I can't give you much info, maybe some time I can try to hook up a convo between the two of you so you can talk shop.

BUT, I can tell you that he took me to another show Saturday night that was FUCKING AWESOME. He said that it wasn't the best they've played, but since I have nothing to compare it to, it was ok by me. He turned me on to the group 7 months ago and I was hesitant to go to the show on my own (not ALONE, but because of how wrong I was to him since I knew he would be there). Now that things are back on track, he took me with and I didn't have to worry about it.

Although, his friends weren't too pleased to see me there. I can't say I blame them much, if I were in their shoes, I'd be a little unhappy as well. With the circumstances, I think everyone's playing it safe and hesitant and hoping all turns out for the best, whatever that means. I don't deny that I did wrong, and it really shows the caliber of person that he is to have been so insistant (I'd say it was that, or he's a sucker - which I know he's not, or that I'm a succubus - but I don't sing).

OK, this is one HUGE catch up, so I'll try and post more regularly and not have to get so crazy next time. Hope all is well out there in the world!

My Head Is Going To Explode

2005-06-07T10:08:00.000-05:00

At least there'll be good fireworks...

Things are SO nucking futs around here, I just don't know what to do with myself. No time to post, barely any time to read others blogs, I'm in a major crisis right now. Withdrawl symptoms are starting to kick in...

As for life, well, things can't be more interesting. A finally called me last week of his own volition, we chatted, he caught me up on his life (mom making turn for the worse, he got kidney stones, work is crazy and his job offer for Chicago got a kick start) and he needed time. I told him time was ok but leaving me hanging like this is no bueno. That was the last I heard of him. I'm anticipating SOMETHING this week, but who knows. I've pretty much written him off just to save myself the heartache.

On the same front, I'm talking to E again. Yes, yes, bad, I know. But he has faithfully called me every other week since I said my goodbyes to him, and I've dodged every last one of them, until 2 weeks ago. He left a message saying he was moving, AWAY, and wanted to catch up before he left. That caught my interest so of course I called him back.

We had a great convo (no I never told him about A) and things went well. We talked a couple other times and finally met up last weekend. Nothing serious, nothing bad, I told him not to get his hopes up, I can't do a relationship right now, let's be friends, all that fun stuff. Things are cool. I also found out that he's dated since we went out and he said he knew I would too, so no harm, no foul. I still didn't tell him about A (considering there's nothing to tell right now) and we've maintained a friendship relationship. His move is just 45 minutes away, so he can go to school, he got into an AWESOME drummer program at my old college.

Otherwise, life is as normal, just busy. I'm doing a lot with EJ, getting back together with old friends that I haven't seen in over a year and loving life without a roommate. I'm a little freaked at the moment though considering my online class is going to be a hassle at the moment. Work is so freakishly busy that I can't blog, email OR do class while at work and by the time I get home I'm so wiped that I crash on the couch and stare at the TV (sometimes it's not even on and I don't notice! How sad is that?!). I'll make it, just miss a bit of sleep for the next 2 months.

Not The Best Advertisement

2005-06-03T17:50:00.000-05:00

Enroute on the way home I passed by a house on sale. Cute house, cute neighborhood and it was being sold by a reputable real estate company. Problem was, the agent's name wasn't exactly something that would make you interested in the home.

Carol Lies

Right. Now I REALLY wanna buy that house. Girlfriend, either keep your maiden name or get married or even try your mom's maiden name for a spin, but you can NOT sell anything with that one.

It was a good laugh, though. I really needed it. This week has been crazy with the Nazi's and my day ooff was pretty much spent just lazing around instead of doing anything productive. I have to get my books for school, summer semester starts on Monday. Luckily it's a literature class and all the books can be purchased at the local book store. Plus it's an online course so even better.

Sorry I'm not much fun at the moment, I'm kinda blah, and the rain isn't helping much either. It's been storming like a mother all day and I want to finish my book before I have to read 10 books in 8 weeks for school.... Hopefully I'll be better off next week....

Tonight's Lessons

2005-05-31T21:10:00.000-05:00

1. When the road splits in the same place it always has, get in the correct lane, you know it's coming. Yes, that does apply to you Mr. Metro Bus Driver, you drive it every day. Don't hold up traffic because you want to get sneaky. You can't get sneaky in that big assed rig of yours.

2. There seems to be a tendancy for the size of the car to increase with age. This does not give a 90 year old woman an excuse to drive a monster truck nor to drive it like a mouse. Give the grandkids a turn behind the wheel, they might teach you something.

3. When scheduling the drive up window, it is beneficial to make sure they speak English. I favor EOE, but I also like a few fries with my ketchup. I asked for the condiment and boyfriend yells "TREE! KIT! CHOP! OOO!" without giving me anything. The radio station was playing Tom Petty's Don't Come Around Here No More. "Give it up, STOP."

4. To those who work at the local electronics store, I know you don't work for commission and are available for questions with no incentive. If I pass you to grab what I need, you do not need to do a ninja jump and inform me of this. In my 5 minute visit to the store, I was accosted 7 times, each about scaring the piss out of me, literally.

5. There is no discreet way to take a picture with your camera phone. Leaving the store I saw a tall skinny man with a bushy pony tail and a Picaso face crawling out of a Micro Machine. Thinking on how to politely take a picture, Afrotail busts out a walker. Suddenly it becomes sad AND humorous. You Don't Know How It Feels was playing when I started my Jeep.

6. Tom Petty songs will get you through a day. First it leads to humor and strange quotes, then it prevents you from dragging some poor kid through a drive through window and lastly makes you feel better about laughing at a crippled man. Music makes the world go round.

7. High heeled shoes and wood stairs with 3 inch gaps between the boards do not work well together. Always remember to take them off when traversing three stories, each with landings.

8. Record financial discussions with roommates. Somehow, on the eve of rent being due, I'm miraculously supposed to have agreed to pay her half. Luckily, I was prepared for this situation and have it taken care of. Fortunately for her, I was afraid this would happen and had her prepay the utilities even when she's gone. In the end, we're even.

9. If your boyfriend is in multiple life crisis modes at once and needs time, don't freak out and assume it's over. Granted, he should keep you more informed, but there are other things that should be taken into consideration. More than one person learned from this situation in the end.

10. When cutting a hole into a piece of furniture, move it AWAY from the wall. Textured walls aren't fun, nor easy, to spackle. Toothpaste DOES make a good spackle when in a pinch though. Thank God I learned that in another lesson.

They Want WHAT For That?

2005-05-31T13:53:00.000-05:00

I just heard an ad on the radio that stated Pat Benatar is coming to town. I was so excited I immediately looked up tickets and choked on my own saliva.

$50 a pop. And that's for nosebleeds. WTF? Are they joking? Same thing happened when Heart came to town last year.

Fuckers, makes me SO MAD. I got lucky and when Blondie came through a couple years ago, they were at the outside venue and tickets were cheaper. Good show, too, conned my way from lawn to front row.

Son of a bitch, though. Can you imagine? I didn't even pay that much for Pink Floyd when they came through a while back. Pat Benatar, $50 a head? ARG.

I Think There's Something Wrong With Me

2005-05-31T10:49:00.000-05:00

You know that you're not right when:

You hear American Girl by Tom Petty on the radio and you think of Silence of the Lambs.

"It puts the lotion on it's skin..."

I Survived.

2005-05-31T09:45:00.000-05:00

Last weekend was the kind of weekend Xanax was made for. Dear God. I need a real weekend to recover from my "holiday weekend."

My roommate is leaving for a month, and we decided to throw our monthly game night as a going away party for her this past Saturday. Also, that day, one of my cousins was in town going to the races with my dad so I had to find a way to get ready for the party (not just me, but the apartment) and go visit the fam for a while.

I pulled it off but of course the guys (dad, cousin and cousin's friend) were 2 hours late and I only got to see them for 30 minutes. Did get to spend some quality time with Mom tho, and she's doing a lot better with things. So, when I was leaving, I decided it would be NICE to invite them by. They showed.

First Dad brought cousin's friend. Then Dad brought neighbor, cousin and cousin's friend. Nice. It was ok, except for they stayed very very late and when they were leaving, I was giving hugs all around and cousin's friend tried to go in for the kill. NO BUENO. I politely dodged and rushed them out the door. No one saw it, but of course I had to call my mom the next day and spread the word after they left town.

Sunday was bridal shower for Judy, which went off without a hitch and it was a blast, oddly enough. I was so surprised. Ghetto was dragging her feet and I was SURE she'd drop the ball, but it went swimmingly and she really impressed me. It's a good thing.

Afterwards I left them to clean and I made a mad dash to EJ's to pick her up, she was accompanying me to a barbeque with a bunch of my old friends. We drug our feet a bit and then got lost (my fault, long story) and got there as everyone was leaving. Great, especially considering it's a 30 minute drive at LEAST to get there (not counting the 20 minutes to get EJ).

Yesterday I lounged, finished cleaning up the apartment from the crazy weekend and decided to rearrange my room. It's been bothering me for a while and I've been putting it off. I really like the layout now (like it was before but swapped sides, the odd angles and doorways made it seem off kilter before), only problem is that my bed is very close to the door to the rest of the apartment.

At the current moment this is not an issue (except the fact that I have to make my bed or close the door), but I'm sure at SOME point, it could be a potential hazard. Well, I've kind of sworn off relationships again, so maybe not... Who knows.

As The Story Goes

2005-05-27T12:50:00.000-05:00

You choke the chicken and you go blind. Maybe there's some truth to it.

Read here.

Evidently, it's not just the choking of the chicken, it's busting out the chicken in the first place when it's broken. Hmmmm.

Just thinking about this story makes me laugh my ass off. I know, I'm wrong, I'm going to hell (or would be if I believed in it). Regardless of where I go, at least I know I'll have good company, I can't be the only one to find this humorous.

2005-05-26T11:49:00.000-05:00

Just a little something to make my day, and a few of the females out there. If only I was the hand...

Well, Spank My Ass And Call Me Horny

2005-05-25T12:46:00.000-05:00

OK, so I might be a BIT deprived at the moment, but that's not where I'm headed here.

As I've mentioned before, I'm in a SMALL office. Lots of file cabinets and the like with 4 desks on the 4 corners and office equipment shoved in the middle for us all to share. There's an average of 4 feet from one's mouth to another one's neck.

So, nothing gets by anyone, especially me. Mainly meaning that I pick up on a lot that goes on, but because of the positioning of my desk, everyone can see what I do so nothing I do gets by anyone else.

A while back, meaning over a year ago, Mr. Nazi starting sharing a bit too much about his personal life. Bed life. Crazy stuff. One day he asked me to hide a clip that a "friend" had sent him, and proceeded to ask me to watch it first. Ew.

I hid it, showed him how to hide it and requested NEVER to be put in that situation again. Things have calmed down now, not much weird stuff, so I'm not AS creeped out as before.

Today, I was working away, and not really paying attention to anything going on around me. I got up to get something off the printer, and Mr. N was standing there, picking up page after page that was coming out and analyzing each one, so I walked to the side to wait for my stuff to come out and not breathe over his shoulder.

As soon as I walked up there he stepped back, stammered for a second, then asked how to cancel a print, he "accidentally" printed something he "shouldn't have". Then I saw what it was.

Graphic porn, folks. I really do mean GRAPHIC. With story lines, it seemed. Holy shit.

He still collected page after page, analyzing them, put them on his desk and never threw it away. GREAT. No wonder he wanted Dee and I to go to lunch together before Mrs. N came in for the afternoon.

Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

2005-05-25T09:30:00.000-05:00

Now that I've gotten my little admission out of the way, I'm back and running.

Work has been nucking futs lately. Good GAWD. I haven't had time for blogging or even emailing much lately. What am I going to do? I'm going through withdrawls! I try to blog and all that from home but by the time I get there, I don't have much energy for anything. Oh well, such is life.

I did have an interesting phone call last night. E called. He's called off and on for the past couple months, and yes, I admit, I was dodging the call. Last night I was intrigued enough to answer. We talked for half an hour and the conversation went great. He just wanted to check in and see how things were going, be friends, all that jazz. I really need something like that so I'm taking it all into consideration.

I just don't want to be weak and do something stupid. Not only is it not right, but it's not fair to him. I really did like him a lot (still do, just not as much as A) and not the way he liked me (or likes, not sure) so that's not fair.

As to the doing something stupid comment, I say this because A has all and but vanished. Seriously. He was in town the weekend before last, things were really low key and kind of off, but it was a good weekend. He left, stating he might not be able to talk much but would call me when he could, then NOTHING. He left a message Thursday saying hi, he was out of contact all week (BS, he called work, why couldn't he call me for 2 seconds) and would be busy this weekend and he'd contact me later.

I was able to touch base with him Friday, and he was very distant. He said something about getting stuff done around his house (can't blame him, he had been putting it off since we met) and had been thinking about "life" all week, but he'd talk to me in a couple days (now paranoid that "life" means me or no me). Monday I find out that he'd been in the hospital for kidney stones on Sunday but again, no call. I spoke with him briefly to make sure he was ok, and later that night where he was very drugged up (still perturbed that I had to find out from someone else that he was in hospital).

The last two calls were very short and he seemed normal, just in pain, doped and apologized for not being talkative but would talk to me "soon". I tried calling last night but he didn't answer, tho it was 9, so he could have been conked out. But, I'm in a quandry as to WHAT in the holy hell is going on. I know that he pulls himself away from the world when things are bothering him but I can't help but be paranoid thinking he lost interest and is pulling away from ME.

From the day we met, we've communicated in SOME way daily, and if for some reason we missed each other the night before, he'd call me at the BC of dawn, waking me up, just to say hi and that he missed talking to me the night before. Now, nothing. We went from every day to 10 minutes in about 2 weeks. If he has shit going on, that's fine, but he could at least say something. Even if he said he needed time off for a week or two, he'd call me when he was done. I understand that.

So here I sit, not knowing what's going on, slightly worried and trying to figure things out. But hey, drugs are good, I know I'd be totally schitzo if it wasn't for those, so thank GOD that I just got on meds cuz I know I'd be insane if I wasn't. Also, another good thing is that it's been crazy busy and I've been able to distract myself. Not too shabby.

This Side Of Me

2005-05-23T20:27:00.000-05:00

Or is it that one?

There's a lot of airing out lately, or in my personal life it seems. Someone near and dear to me has outed herself with one aspect of herself and now I think it's my turn. I really do consider her my savior. We've been through a lot of good and bad together and in the end, she saved me once again.

I've had a crazy life, most unconventional and a lot of uncertainty. Throughout most of it I've been known as me. I'm quirky, detail oriented, full of energy and have my down time lilke most people. I've been through therapy, medication, relationships and even family members. In the end I always take care of others first, myself last and suppress the rest.

This suppression has recently gotten to the best of me and pretty much everyone around me. My dearest friend in the whole wide world told me of what she was going through and pressed, insisted and threatened me to finally do something about my own issues. Evidently you can't fool a fooler, or something like that.

I went last week, answered some questions, talked to a psychiatrist (first time in my life, I'd always been through counselors/therapists and the like - which never works for me, I'm not much into talking about my issues) and in the end was diagnosed with OCD and bipolar disorder. Now, my anal retentiveness has been an issue before, and has mostly been the butt of many jokes throughout most of my life, so the OCD didn't suprise me much.

The bipolar shocked me and I'm still having a little difficulty grasping it. I'm on medication and it's helping, a lot. Thanks again to my bestest of buds to helping me get the timing right cuz the first couple days I was tired all the damn time. My main issue is dealing with the fact that it's progressive. I will be on meds for the rest of my life and I'm not too keen on that idea.

I'm also not too keen on the stigma that goes along with it. My friends have been completely supportive, but my parents are handling things a bit differently. My dad is supportive, more worried, but very down and constantly checking on me. Mom, on the other hand, isn't dealing so well. She's like me, talking all the time, always has an opinion and very direct. I told her and she got quiet, cold and snappy.

She won't talk about it, or to me and when she knows that my dad is talking to me, she gets pissy. I really don't know what to do about it, but I do know that I'm not happy about it. I'm sure she'll get over it, but when and what will happen in the meantime, I'm not so sure. I try to reassure her, tell her what I know, but it's not helping.

So far, I only know a little biit. I'm doing the research into it, but because I was recently diagnosed and they won't know more about levels and stages until my next appointment in a month, I'm just playing the waiting game. Luckily, they think they OCD is middle stages. I'm not as bad as Jack Nicholson in "As Good As It Gets" or anything, but still have my little "quirks". As for the BP, they think I should have been diagnosed with the early stages a long time ago, but it really kicks in in your 20's, but I don't know more than that.

I guess I'll get there eventually and it will all work out. Until then, I'm just going to keep taking my meds and trekking on.

Thanks Yo-J

2005-05-22T22:11:00.000-05:00

The buck has been passed to me. Thank you.

Total volume of music files on my computer:

469

The last CD I bought was:

I replaced The Flood by They Might be Giants, let my sister borrow it a LONG time ago and she trashed it. ARG.

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):
1. Massive Attack: "Teardrop"
2. Korn: "Alone I Break"
3. The Cure: "Close to Me" or "Lullaby" (sorry, breaking the rules, but it's a tie for me)
4. Tori Amos: "Raspberry Swirl"
5. NIN: "Something I Can Never Have"

Man, if only this was a top 10, I had a hard time narrowing it down to 5....

OK, now, the batons go to.......

Fishy
Little Eyes
KK
Beer Girl

Way Back When

2005-05-18T16:14:00.000-05:00

Today is one of those days where I want to go back to my OLD college days. The days where I can lay on the couch with a lighter on one side, bowl on the other, a bag of Doritos on the floor and read Cosmic Banditos. God I love that book. Even better with accompaniment.

I'm so suburban that I wouldn't even know where to GET something to fill the bowl... Damn, I hate growing up.

Half Baked

2005-05-17T16:51:00.000-05:00

The Nazi’s went to a bread/sandwich shop for lunch today. Mrs. N was sitting at her desk, critiquing everything like normal, then went into a tirade about how you can’t get sourdough baguettes from there because they’re too hard because they are over cooked.

Then she turned to me and asked me about it, because she knows my roommate works there part time. I told her it was because they don’t use normal ovens, they use this walk in oven and they just roll racks of bread in. Everything is cooked at the same temp, just different times. THAT is why there is a problem.

Mrs. N thought the idea of a walk in oven was weird, and I told her how Stein freaked out about it, thinking that she was going to get stuck in a corner and baked to death. Mr. N laughed at it and said:

She shouldn’t be afraid of it unless she’s Jewish.

Mrs. N looked at me with this blank expression then asked what her religious affiliation had to do with the way they baked their bread.

DOH.

I Think I Missed Something

2005-05-16T13:23:00.000-05:00

"Oh, you guys!" Mrs. N just jumped up and shouted to Dee and I. "I just finished reading that audio book I bought a while back! It was so funny! I couldn't put it down!"

How does one "read" an "audio book"? Quite possibly she was listening to it while reading it, but that's a bit redundant, wouldn't you think?

I always hated that when I was in school. "Read aloud and everyone else follow along." I'd rather read quietly or at home than listen to someone else read, anyway. I've never done the audio book thing, but I don't know if I ever will.

I love reading, I get engrossed in it. I get drawn into it like I'm part of the story, I bring myself into the story and it becomes very intimate for me. I don't know if I'd get the same out of listening to it. Not only do I think I would become impatient (I read fast) but also I don't know if it'd be in my head as much as it is when I read it.

Maybe I'll try it eventually, who knows. I still think that something is wrong with her statement though. I still can't figure out how you READ and AUDIO BOOK.

P.S. While this is going on, she's standing in front of me and I have a great view of her new boobs. I'm not 100% sure what's wrong with them, but something's not quite right. It could be the bra or what's in them, that's the problem.

When you look at her dead on, they look very round and melon like, kind of like a busty teenager's. From the side they're melon like but FLAT, it's the weirdest thing. It's like they're 9 inches from top to bottom, but they don't round out, just flattened. Hmmm... Maybe she's still bound up.

Happy Weekend

2005-05-13T10:47:00.000-05:00

I had quite a tizzy in my life the past few days. I came to the realization that my roommate was being a total mooch and I was stuck with all the bills. Girlfriend insisted that since she didn't live there for 1/2 the month last month, she wasn't responsible for any of the utilities. Plus, because she'll be in Europe all month next month, she didn't have to pay her half of the rent.

Of course since she'll be gone when May's bills are due, when she actually DID live there all month, I'll be stuck with those, too. Needless to say I was beyond peeved. Not only does she make more money than I do, she does not have a car payment. Realistically she is NOT on the same planet.

Oh, and she called yesterday asking if we could get a puppy. On a third story apartment. When she was going to leave for a month. NO. Just, NO.

We had a Come to Jesus last night and all's good. Well, the money is straight, she's paying her rent and her 1/2 of the bills for May before she leaves, but the reasoning behind the situation to start with is still not in this world. She thought that my DAD offered to pay her half of the rent and figured that she would pay me back the utilities after she got back so she could have more play money on her trip. We straightened out that one real fast. Now we're good to go. No puppy, either.

That stress is gone, but I STILL have no idea what is going on this weekend. A called last night to talk about where we're going, but since he had to work today afterall, I didn't think he'd want to drive MORE to go out of town for the weekend. He wants to "play things by ear". ARG. Is it not OBVIOUS how anal I am, and he wants to play something like a TRIP by ear? No. Not going to happen.

Plus, EJ was talking about needing some help in the morning and I need to know NOW if I can buck up or not. He's going to have to get over this trying to relax me thing just a little bit. Sure, I am tightly wound, but baby steps, brother, baby steps. Don't just throw me out there and expect me NOT to start putting things in order.

I need a stiff drink. Damn, out of vodka. I think I'm going to stop by the liquor store on the way home.

Glad To See Me I Take It

2005-05-11T13:18:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting here typing away at an email and my keyboard gets this massive hard-on. I don't know if you've ever experienced it, but suddenly ALL of the keys jam up and are impossible to push in. I have NO idea how this happens, but it does. It's not just the keyboard here at work, either, I've had it happen on multiple ones and even my laptop at home does it, and they keys don't really go IN per se. Oh well.

I did however happen to be driving downtown this weekend and saw the function of the penii. They light up. Woo-freaking-hoo. There's a bar at the top and the Prince Alberts all cycle different colors. Maybe it's a Somewhere Over The Rainbow thing considering where I live. I don't know but not only is it a waste of taxes to have BUILT the penii, but now they're using our taxes to light the mother fuckers up. Great.

I noticed this when we were on our way out to our new favorite bar/dance club. Buttpan's brother goes to this gay bar all the time and finally drug us out there a few months ago and now we go all the time. It was nice, EJ joined us! She hasn't gone out with us in forever. Busy lives and all. I guess the word is that we're supposed to go in July for Judy's bachelorette party. That'll be interesting, seeing miss bible thumper at a gay bar...

At least the Bridal Shower ordeal is over. Well, almost over. Since Stein and I are having it at our place, and the supposed Maid of Honor is throwing it, and she screwed the pooch on the invitations and planning, we ended up rescheduling it. It was supposed to be this weekend, and now it's Memorial Day weekend. That's not going to be any fun, with everything that's going on, but, gotta do what we gotta do.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with A that weekend. More like what HE'S going to do with himself while the shower is going on. Originally he was just not going to come in when we were having it, but now that it's THAT weekend, and we're having a party the night before, and he's going to a picnic with me the day of the shower, he'll just have to take a nap or go play somewhere by himself. Not that I don't want him there, but I highly doubt he's going to enjoy a bridal shower much.

BUT, he is taking me on a trip this weekend. We didn't see each other last weekend and he has a three day weekend, even though I don't, so he's talking about coming out while I'm at work and then once I'm done we can take off, have a road trip somewhere even if it's for a short while. I'm kind of excited, but I have NO clue where to go. Dammit.

He's talking Colorado so we can see the mountains, but that's an 8 hr drive. Once we get there we'll have to turn around. I don't know about that so much. I'll have to think about somewhere else.

Kansas City Here I Cum

2005-05-06T16:17:00.000-05:00

I was late to work this morning. Stupid traffic. I swear, my area has the worst rubber necks EVER.

While I'm sitting still, my vehicle in neutral and my E-brake on (left foot gets cramped stomping down on the clutch after a while), I'm staring at the newest addition to the decor on the road. Just recently they decided to start a "beautification project". This includes flowers and various additions to the highway.

They call these additions the Gateway to the City. So far there are two sets of erections on the major highway that goes from the airport to downtown. One erection on either side of the highway before the bridge, one after. They call them Gateways, I call them penii. They're brick stiffies, really.

On any other day, I would be flying down the highway barely making note of them. The reason isn't just because of my speed (speed-ing more like) but also because the roads are in such wonderful shape that you bounce down the street so much that the erections seem to vibrate, making them look like dildos instead of penii.

So today, while on the highway parkinglot, I had a great view and was able to inspect them. Odd suckers, really. Tall with layers of stone, and slats in the middle. The function is still unknown but the metal slats make it look more like they've been Prince Albert-ed. During my inspection, I remembered my mom's take on them.

"What are THOSE?" she asked while pointing, nose scrunched up in disgust.

"Penii," I answered.

"What do they do?" now she had her head cocked off the side trying to get a better view.

"Salute," I responded as I wanked with my hand.

"Well, they must do something, there's an electrician's truck there and his ass hanging out of a hole," she said pointing at the plumber's crack and the ripped underoos hanging out of the side. "They might as well ejaculate and give us a free car wash for what we paid for them."

God, sometimes I love my mom.

I'm Free! I'm Free!

2005-05-06T14:54:00.000-05:00

For a week at least... The Nazi's are officially out of town, and I'm left to my own vices. No policies, invoices, mail, nothing. I have nothing to do until they get back. I made a small list of things to complete while they are out so as not to deem myself completely useless, but that's it.

WHEW! The next week better be super interesting in blog land or I think I'll end up wanting to slit my wrists before it's over. Maybe I'll get some reading done. That way I won't get suicidal. Or pull a George and build a bed under my desk so I can nap. Huh, that's a novel idea. Not worth it for just a week though... Hope all is well with everyone and have a great Mother's Day!

Cock-A-Doodle-Doo

2005-05-05T17:49:00.000-05:00

I was driving home from work last night and saw the damnedest thing.

About three miles into suburbia from downtown I stopped at the gas station. As I stood at the pump I noticed a rooster on the side of the station building. Standing there watching it I was trying to figure out where it came from and how it got there.

A minute later, a very large man came out of the station door and walked to his car. He had large rock earrings, baggy shorts, brand new tennis shoes and a sports team jacket on. He got into a very nice black sports car, started it up and started driving. He coasted for about 5 feet before taking off, rolling up to the side of the building and jumping out.

He took off his jacket, ran up to the rooster, caught it in his jacket, threw it in the trunk and sped away. I stood there in awe. Did anyone else see that? A minute later I was laughing and back on the road. When I got home, I called my mom to tell herr the story, I knew she of all people would appreciate it.

While talking about it, I looked out the window to the street below and saw another odd sight. The management drives around the apartment community in golf carts, so I didn't find it unusual to see one coasting down the way. What I did find abnormal was that there was a man sitting in the back, backwards, holding onto the handle of a dolly that carried a large refridgerator.

This cart was hauling, not creeping along, and was speeding up a slight incline tugging along a fridge. Maybe it had the rooster in it. I still can't figure out why they didn't use the community truck or what that city boy thought he was going to do with the rooster. This must be the week for serious funnies.

Kaboom

2005-05-04T09:06:00.000-05:00

I picked my mom up last night from the airport. She had been back home in Alabama, visiting family and taking care of my grandfather. While on the trip back, she was updating me and ended up telling me the funniest yet saddest story I've heard in a LONG time.

I come from an old southern family. We don't talk about ourselves and only divulge enough information to update one another, but then everyone else gossips about it and tries to fill in the blanks. Needless to say there's a lot of funny things that come out of the mix. Most of what I know about my family comes from gossip and old stories my grandparents told me as a child for entertainment.

One of the big things about the gossip is that I grew up hearing stories about two of my mom's cousins. Real idiots, honestly. It is STILL a dry county, so they were always in trouble with the law for running liquor and making moonshine. Sure, there were other stories about pot and minor physical infractions, but they were usually quite harmless. I always imagined it to be a situation like the Dukes of Hazzard. The stories seemed so wild and entertaining with a decent ending that surely they weren't all that bad of guys.

Also, we all grew up on the old plantation. The actual house burned down when my grandfather was a child and everyone moved into the slave house. All of his brothers and sisters were raised there, as well as most of their children, and in some cases, their children's children (me included). Most of the land has been sold and the ramaining acres have been split up between my great aunts and uncles and they all live on plots surrounding "the house".

A few years ago one of the Duke brothers moved into "the house". He had supposedly done a small stint in jail and was trying to turn his life around. The other one was on disability for a back injury and was staying with their parents. Last time I saw him he was really thin, seemed strung out and was driving this big suped up truck. His mom said that he was "weird" from all the pain meds from his injury and since he was receiving disability and staying with her, blew the money on the truck.

Back then, just like every time we go home, my mom and I drove by "the house". Just for memories sake, really. Last week, mom drove by and it was GONE. Just not there.

She went home and asked my grandfather what happened. Evidently the Duke brothers were running a meth lab out of "the house" and blew the mother fucker up. All she said that was left "were a few sticks and the foundation." Since this is such a small town, the police gave them a couple days to "get their affairs in order" before arresting them.

They were both found at their mom's house, up the hill. One was arrested without incident, but happened to be on probation with a suspended sentence and was shipped off to the state prison to finish off the remaining 6 years of his sentence plus whatever they hand down for the recent charges. The other one didn't have anything hanging over his head, but apparently was still an idiot.

When they arrived, he was stoned (supposedly just on pain meds for the back, yeah right) and allowed them to read him his rights and properly handcuff him (hands behind the back). After being cuffed, the genious decides to make a break for it. Where he thought he was going and how he thought he would get there, no one has a clue. All we know is that not only was he the one who blew up the house, but then he was smart enough to attempt to RUN while handcuffed. Needless to say they sent him off to the county jail a couple towns over to await trial, now with new charges for attempting to flee.

As hillarious as the situation really is, it's also sad. "The house" is gone. It has been passed down through the family and was supposed to be continuously passed down. Even when it fell apart and was a pile of rubble, it was supposed to stay in the family, so we could all pass it on. Now it's gone. Just a few sticks and foundation.

The Day After Yesterday

2005-05-02T16:10:00.000-05:00

Is TODAY, and today is one of those days.

Typical asshole day, really. Until lunch. Dee and I decided to take a late lunch just to get OUT. We have to come up with an excuse in order to leave together, we're supposed to be each others backup, but when BOTH Nazi's are in the office, we need a break and it's good to vent to each other. So, today's excuse was an apothacary run. She was trying to lighten the mood a bit before hand, trying to butter them up.

Somehow she ended up making this odd whipping motion at me (guess what the Nazi's were doing when she was doing it?) but instead of the normal "whipping" noise, it ended up being some VVVRRRRMMMM, like a light-saber was whipping by my head. Needless to say we were both a little wonkey at the moment and they sent us out just to get rid of us. We ended up at Steak n Shake.

I'm driving, so I pull up to the window and pay. Boyfriend inside takes the money, shuts the window, walks to some kid who throws a ball of fire in the air and smacks it to the floor. The ball of fire turns into a burst of flames and they both start stomping. Sparks were flying outward and someone grabbed a large sheet of metal and threw it on top, extinguishing the flames. I make mention of it to Dee and then the kid comes back to tell me that it was MY order that just caught fire, and it'd be a couple more minutes.

Jesus, I just ordered a fucking hamburger. How does one torch a patty of beef off of a GRIDDLE?

So, we finally make it back to the office, unscathed and with unburned lunch. Soon there after was the TONTO incident. I laughed so hard I about peed my pants. Meanwhile, Dee is chugging water because she has to leave early to do a sonogram (needs full bladder) and I'm talking about waterfalls and describing beautiful river scenery. I'm torturous like that, but she'd do it too.

I have a fit of the giggles, not sure why, when an old guy walks in. VERY old guy. I'm still amazed at how these guys are flying. I mean, they shouldn't be driving vehicles never the less airplanes. More carnage. Seriously.

Old man was talking about sending some "friends" up for quotes. Evidently one is a "kid" who is about to "get his privates." My eyes welled up with tears and I immediately had to turn around to contain myself. It's Private Certificate or License, not PRIVATES. But somehow an old fart talking about a kid getting his privates struck me funny.

At least it wasn't Tonto who got his privates and then lit them on fire. I haven't seen shit like that since college.

Another Job Moment

2005-05-02T14:51:00.000-05:00

Update to the previous post. Mrs. Nazi was the one screaming at underwriter last week.

Now, Mr. Nazi calls the same underwriter and was trying to make peace. Normally they wouldn't give a shit what other people think of them, but it so happens that everyone and their brother is out at some convention, and the recipient of Mrs. N's mood last week is the ONLY individual that can help us.

So, he leaves a message.

"X, hope you're having a good day," he brown nosed. "'It's you and me, Tonto.' Everyone else is out of the office. I was going to ask your advice (yada yada, yada)."

I lost it. In the middle of his message, just burst into fits of laughter. When he finally hung up the phone, he asked what my problem was.

"Well, if you're trying to kiss his ass, calling him an idiot isn't the best way to do it," I told him.

I had to PROVE my case. Tonto may be a name from the Lone Ranger, it also has MEANING. Genious. That's ok, he's half deaf and didn't realize his wife accidentally changed the channel to a fun station. She was trying to find more "lite rock" and was off by a few numbers. I've successfully listened to STP, Cake, Butthole Surfers, Dave Matthews, The Cure and the like for 2 hours now.

GOOD TIMES!

Moments That Make Me OK With My Job

2005-04-29T14:11:00.000-05:00

Mrs. Nazi is currently across the room yelling at an underwriter. Not SOP, but, it happens.

"If you would quit being such a pussy," she yelled, "then maybe you could get off your lazy ass and actually create some business."

It's a good thing I'm actually wearing my glasses, I think my eyeballs would have ricocheted around the room from my attempts at stifling a laugh.

I swear, when Dee and I are out of here, no one will want to deal with them. Gee, I wonder why?

Ways to Irritate Me

2005-04-27T11:52:00.000-05:00

Delegate your work to me and then stand over my shoulder and tell me how to do it.

Treat me like I’m the idiot because you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Expect me to know what you’re saying when you confuse your own self.

Give me your work because you have 5 files on your desk yet I have 5 PILES of files on my desk.

Give me work mentioned in #4 and treat me like I’m an idiot even though I do it all the time.

Don’t let me do things all the time because you think I’m a moron, yet pass it off to me when you don’t want to do it.

Do #6 and then go back to treating me like I’m a peon and I don’t know how to do anything.

Dictate a memo to me improperly and argue with me when I try to correct your grammar and word usage. Word happens to have a handy little tool called Grammar Check. That green line does not mean go.

Yell at me and then start probing me regarding my personal life.

Come to work stoned and looking like a duck and not expect me to notice that you got work done.

Tell me my clothing is unprofessional and too revealing because my blouse is thin yet double layered while your new boobs are falling out and I can see your belly button.

Tell me jeans day does not mean overly casual day because my polo doesn’t tuck in while you’re wearing your yoga pants and a hoodie.

Ask me to come in on my day off and then change your mind, only telling me by a memo that was left on my desk overnight, then asking if I got your “note”.

Not give me any breaks during the day and get mad when I actually leave the premises for my 30 minute lunch.

Think you’re doing a favor for me by letting me leave 10 minutes earlier when I’m not allowed any breaks.

Opportunity Knocks

2005-04-27T09:00:00.000-05:00

I talk frequently about my job and how I like it, but not the people I work for. The Nazis, they keep my life interesting and far from perfect. Before I started working here I had a good job. One that I loved. One that I happily got up for in the morning and it kept me content.

I loved the industry and talking to new people throughout the day. I especially loved the pay and the way the company took care of us, until the end. One day I went in and was shafted. Badly. I was fired under BS pretenses because I carried my supervisor and he wanted to move up in the company because he knew what was going to happen and didn't want to be stuck in the same position.

Less than a month later, everyone in my area, all my friends in the entire department, and the company in general was realigned and most fired under similar BS pretenses as well. WHY they changed the company structure to mirror a competitor that just failed and went bankrupt is beyond me. Unfortunately, we were forced to sign non-compete forms upon being hired and there went the livelihood, for 2 years. We couldn't work for any competitors and there were a lot of requirements on what type jobs we could and couldn't have after our employment with them.

Sure, I could have gone into sales and research somewhere else, but the situation put a sour taste in my mouth and I wanted a change. A few months later I ended up where I remain today. Unhappy, overqualified, broke and miserable. I went from having benefits and a secretary to being a secretary and making 1/3 of my previous pay with no benefits. I started thinking last fall about going back into my old industry, my non-compete had lapsed and I was ready for a change. I never acted on it. Until now.

A friend from the old company and I still keep in touch. It seems to be once every few months, but at least we try. He called last night letting me know about how the old group was getting together for the annual picnic and also to let me know about an opportunity at a competitor. Many people have jumped over there after their forms have lapsed and the manager is friends with my old "good" manager. He's jumping on the bandwagon as well and hoping that maybe we can get the old team back together, we broke company sales records when we were all a team, and at that time, our company was #1 in sales for the industry.

I'm on board. I want to go so badly that I can hardly contain myself. Ahhh, to have money again, to have health coverage again, to have sanity again, it's all too good to be true. Unfortunately, I got rid of all my old suits and am going to have to go on a shopping spree here soon. I never had to wear one on a regular basis, it was casual dress, but a few suits were required for the occasional meeting and personal sales call. I'm going to have to re-up my wardrobe for that and the interview.

My one problem is that I'm not sure what the etiquette is on this. I'm not well versed in how to apply for a job that isn't technically on the market. There are no ads, there was no listing, it's not even on the internet, this is all through word of mouth in the industry. Do I call the manager directly? Do I apply and hope they see it? Do I just send my resume in? I'm not quite sure. I think I'm going to have to do some asking around on this one first.

I Need Another Weekend

2005-04-25T15:51:00.000-05:00

Well, I never did get BOB out Friday. I was tempted, but A called and we talked forever (no phone sex involved). I did get lucky because he ended up surprising me by coming in town for the weekend. SO glad I waited.

Combine the build up and the fact that I was tipsy from drinking at our housewarming party and I was about two seconds from kicking everyone out of the apartment. Seriously, I HATE having to be quiet. That drives me CRAZY. I'm not usually very LOUD by any means, but when I want to, I want to, and damn it all to hell if I not only had a roommate to be worried about, but a few drunken friends strewn about my living room as well.

So, I was a bit tamer than I wanted to be, but it worked out none the less. I think him coming in town was about the only redeeming quality of my weekend though. To be honest, the rest of it frankly SUCKED. The party went off ok, wasn't really a PARTY per-se. Turned into a family convention for Stein and a couple other people playing games. Fun fun.

The rest I don't feel like going into right now. It involves psychotic family members and some gripes about the "party planner" for Saturday night. I might save that for something to write about tonight. Or later this week. Who knows.

'Scuse Me While I Whip This Out!

2005-04-22T16:19:00.000-05:00

Between OJ's post and the phone call I just got, I am SO unhappy I'm going home to an empty apartment tonight. Damn it all to hell!

I'm still at work, alone, and I answered the phone to a guy with the most BEAUTIFUL accent in the world. I'm a softie for accents in general, just the way he talked was like he was whispering into the phone to me. It was as if he was calling under business pretenses yet there were subliminal meanings in every syllable.

"I was wondering if [this policy (you)] would be [insured (laying)] under [our company (me)] or if [it (I)] was under [another (you)]? "

COME TO MAMA!

Made me want to pull a Ghost Dad and reach through the phone so I could mount him!

Such a good thing that he CALLED as opposed to walked in the DOOR. First off he probably wouldn't have ended up being half as attractive as he sounded. But if he did, then I think I would have bent over my desk as soon as he opened his mouth...

OK, not really, but it's nice thinking that, anyway.

If Anyone Wants To Find Me...

2005-04-22T11:35:00.000-05:00

You can look me up with the following terms:

Tossing the Salad
Popping the Cherry
Tampon Strings
Who was Jonathan Brandis

WTF?! I know some of my topics can be a little "interesting", but damn. You'd think that I was a pornographer with the first three...

It's Friday! It's Friday!

2005-04-22T09:50:00.000-05:00

I'm super happy about this fact. Beyond happy, actually. The only thing that would make me even happier is if A was coming in town this weekend, but alas, he's not. He hasn't been home in over a month and I can give him credit for wanting to sleep in his own bed and wanting to get things done. Paying bills is ALWAYS a good thing.

If you have the money to do it, that is. He doesn't have that problem, lucky bum. I on the other hand try to rub pennies together most of the time, but hopefully that'll be ending soon. I talked to Ghetto earlier this week and oddly enough, there's a position opening there, and it looks like a good deal. It'll be kinda funny, actually, because in the grand scheme of things, if I do take it, I'll be taking EJ's place over a year after she left it. Small world.

I am looking forward to one big thing though. We're having our housewarming party tomorrow. It'll be fairly small, but still fun. We're in the middle of an argument right now on what the shot for the night will be. I'm sure we'll have it figured out in time.

Evidently things have rolled over here at work. They were all wonkey about things at first, then Mrs. Nazi gave me that perfume and all's been hunky-dorey ever since. She's even gone out of her way to be all pals and probe me questions about life and school and all sorts of craziness. I have NO idea what the deal is.

A few months ago, heck, almost a year ago, they went berserk on me, showing in truth why I call them the Nazi's. Not only were they totally in the wrong, but they were also beyond normal employee relations rules. I got yelled at as if I was a 5 year old that ran into the street, it was terrible. She told Dee that she refused to apologize, it wasn't very "managerial" to do. The same thing stands here. She refuses to apologize.

So, I'm on the market for a new job. I have been for a while, but I'm really on it now. Dee told me about how yesterday Mrs. N was questioning her about the way things have been when they've been out. She primarily wanted to know if I was still looking for another job and what I was asking about her "surgeries" (since I'm not supposed to know about them).

Dee told her that I asked what was going on, she said she didn't know the details and I told her I respect that and dropped it. Mrs. N replied "good, she's maturing then." WTF?! I'm maturing? I think that out of everyone, I've been the only adult in the situation! ARG. Oh well. Hopefully I'll be out of here soon anyway.

Speaka Dey Englesh?

2005-04-20T23:42:00.000-05:00

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?
Your Linguistic Profile:
30% Dixie
30% General American English
20% Upper Midwestern
20% Yankee
0% Midwestern

There's A WHAT In The Road?

2005-04-20T08:43:00.000-05:00

I was late to work this morning. Not super late, but late enough.

I didn't get stuck behind a school bus, there wasn't any road construction and there were no accidents.

I was late because I was properly positioned behind a Road Kill Mobile. Seriously. It had official city signage on the sides, but the back said "Road Kill Mobile". I laughed so hard that I had to pull over. Of course I pulled over about 5 yards behind, you guessed it, ROAD KILL.

The Mobile just passed right by it. Makes me wonder if they had a mission, some large animal was on the street just waiting for them to come rescue it's carcass from eminent flattening.

What Crawled Up Your Ass And Died?

2005-04-19T16:43:00.000-05:00

A spider just crawled out of the camode at work.

EW.

Suddenly I didn't have to go anymore. Huh, wonder WHY.

They need to bomb this place. I honestly don't understand why it was still alive. I have a hard time understanding why I happen to be alive, with all the fumes in this place.

Nothing like breathing in jet fuel all day and the exhaust 5-6 times a day on top of the regular fumes. How this little creature stayed alive is beyond me.

Now I'm going to be paranoid and constantly checking the stool to make sure I don't have company. Great. I think I need to learn how to pee standing up. First we were visited by Sasquatch, now Charlotte.

Sweet Dreams? Not So Much!

2005-04-18T14:11:00.000-05:00

I think this came about because of a combination of what has been going on lately.

Things seem to be going well with A and I keep comparing them to the last serious relationship I had. Unfortunately, it happens to be Captain Asshole. I think that's good, because if there's ANY comparison, that means that things really aren't going that great considering how BAD the CA relationship really was.

A stayed over this weekend and got up Sunday morning talking about a crazy dream he had. We started talking and I thought about how I rarely ever remember my dreams, most of the time I wonder how often I really DO dream. Then last night, rather, this morning, I had a whammy.

A left at 5am to get on the road to go back to work a few hours away. I tried to get a little bit more sleep since I usually don't have to get up until 7:30. I woke up practically hysterical at 7:15.

In my dream, A took the job and moved farther away. I went to visit him and stayed with him for a while, upon which we made the decision to get married (wtf?!). While he was at work one day I was touring the city and ran into my best friend from high school. She was moving a few blocks from him and was looking for a roomie. I decided to move in with her and get things rolling.

On moving day I got settled and the front door guy of our building parked my Jeep for me in the gated lot across the street. The next day I went to leave, walked around the lot looking for my vehicle and came across CA and his buddy disassembling it. I freaked out and tried to run away.

He cornered me and kept saying how it was an engagement gift, they were giving me some after market updates. Finally I jumped on the hood of the Jeep telling them over and over to stop, go away, leave me alone. CA tried calming me down, saying how he wants to give me a fresh start for "our" new beginning. I realized he was talking about US.

I argued with him, told him I'm marrying someone else, told him to leave me alone, told him I never wanted to see him again and demanded to know how he found me and where he came to this conclusion that we were still together. That's when I woke up frantic, of course before I received any answers.

I admit that I'm still paranoid about him. I got the Jeep because he stalked me and sabotaged my old car. I'm still so freaked out about him that I have an unlisted number, cut all ties with everyone I knew out where we used to live (by his family) and installed aftermarket safety locks on my entire vehicle. I'm just waiting for the day when he'll call me up at work like he used to when he was lurking "Hey LZ, long time no talk."

I quite possibly could be thinking this with him because E called me a little over a week ago. He left a message telling me he was going to some show and wanted me to come with. The way he left it was odd, as if we were still dating, he'd talked to me earlier that day and was just inviting me along and updating me on his itinerary.

I think the stress of everything is finally making me go insane! I have barely slept for over a week, and the little sleep I do get involved THAT DREAM. What the hell? I'm thinking it's time for some serious introspection to sort things out.

Waiting For The Punchline

2005-04-18T08:56:00.000-05:00

Nothing happened. I mean NOTHING. Things went along like normal last week and there was never any repeat mention regarding "the situation."

There were a few comments from Mr. Nazi to Dee about how he "didn't know if [they] will be able to keep [me]", but that's it. Hell, Mrs. Nazi even had the Mr. give me a bottle of perfume that came in a beauty kit she had me buy for her a couple weeks ago (did I mention that I'm also her personal shopper? She pays, but I hunt things down and order them for her).

I guess only time will tell, but I'm pretty much going to ride it out and still look for another position. I was thinking about going back into either retail or the hotel business, but I don't want to give up my weekends. I'm being picky, I know, but I was hoping to work somewhere that I could have minimal stress, hopefully a later shift (I am NOT a morning person no matter how much I fake it. A 10-6:30 would be nice.) and similar pay WITH benefits, but, I think I may have to stick with the regular professional world, no matter how much I do NOT like it.

Otherwise, life seems to be trucking along without me. My roommate officially moved in this weekend. I made the realization that girlfriend has NO regard to personal space WHAT SO EVER. A and I were going to make dinner last night and he asked if she'd be around because we'd include her. She said yes (which was fine), but invited the guy she's dating AND stuck by our side ALL NIGHT.

Her guy even asked her to come over so we could have some alone time. She did not go and she sat next to us to watch a movie playing games on my laptop. I'm hoping that it's just because she's getting into the groove of things. If not, I think we're going to have to have a Come to Jesus Session. Love her, but don't want her in my mug when the man's over.

I guess time will tell with just about EVERYTHING going on. Hmph, I'm too impatient to wait.

I Thought Hitler Was Dead?

2005-04-12T10:38:00.000-05:00

Obviously no one informed my employers of this.

I returned to work on Friday, still sick, but willing to trek along with things to get a paycheck until I could find a new job. I figured that the "proof of illness" issue would blow over. I guess I was wrong. The day itself was fairly uneventful, but Dee warned me that I might be written up for not bringing in the "proof". I figured I'd play it by ear, but if they did follow through with said threat, then I'd make it more of a priority to end my employment with them.

On Monday I arrived at the office to find that Mrs. N had dictated a "memo" (write up) to Dee to give to me, without signature or giving me the option to sign, regarding the matter. I immediately put the piece of paper to the side and said that I would approach Mrs. N about the issue when she returned to the office, because Mr. N had nothing to do with it. Shortly after I had to leave because my mom fell down the stairs and broke her ankle, I had to take her to the ER.

3 hours later I returned to find out that Mrs. N had called Dee after I left to find out:
A) if I really did go take my mom in, she thought I had a "last minute interview" and lied about it.
B) how I took the write up
C) if Dee thought I'd quit because of it

Evidently she SAID she didn't want me to leave and was sending Mr. N in to talk to me about it to see if they could rectify the situation. See, Mrs. N was home "sick" (meaning recovering from a boob job and tummy tuck she received on Friday, but I'm not supposed to know about that). Mr. N came in, acted cool for a while, then pulled me into the conference room to chat.

Things went well at first. He stated they didn't want me to leave, liked me, wanted to come to a compromise. I told him that I was upset about the write up, it was wrong, the whole situation was wrong and I knew it (my mom works HR for the CITY training managers on federal, state and city regulations on employee management and employee laws/regulations and she PROVED to me that what they were doing was against the rules). I tried talking to him and rationalizing with him, I'm tired of being taken advantage of and I'm putting my foot down.

Me: If I hadn't been upset about the write up, what would have happened?

Him: We would have expected you to give us the proof.

Me: But I don't have the proof, so then what do we do about THAT?

Him: We come to some sort of compromise.

Me: If I gave you the proof, then what?

Him: We'd file the write up in your personnel file and be done with it.

Me: So I'm screwed regardless.

Him: We're not trying to screw you, we just want proof.

Me: Why? Because it isn't an HR issue then, it's a trust issue. You don't believe I was sick.

Him: I KNOW you were sick.

Me: Then what's the point?

Him: We need verification.

Me: Why? If you know I was, then what's the issue?

Before it was said and done with, I was getting cussed at, yelled at, told I was wrong, he was right, why he was the employee relations GOD, they talked to people and because they're a small business and they own it they can do whatever they want, and to talk to my lawyer, so my lawyer and their lawyer could talk and PROVE that I'm wrong. The conversation went round and round. One minute, yelling and the next he was saying, let's calm down and compromise, but the same things were being repeated over and over. Finally he realized I wasn't going to budge and said that he would talk to Mrs. N and they would get back to me with their "decision".

He got up and left. It was closing time, so Dee and I walked out. Mrs. N then called Dee's cell, not having talked to her husband yet, wanting to know how it went, Dee hadn't talked to me yet. Then Mrs. N tried to suddenly befriend her. We came to the conclusion it was so she would be on their side when they fired me.

I realize now that I may not have to quit, they may do the work for me and at least I can get OUT of here ASAP and get unemployment for a short while until I find something else. Not the best maneuver, but if I leave, they're not going to give me a smiling recommendation anyway, they're not that type. I was going to post this at home, so there was not trail and I didn't get Dooced, but at this point, what's the worst that could happen? They could fire me anyway.

No Workey

2005-04-08T16:18:00.000-05:00

I don't have that recover post button anymore. What the hell? Oh well.

Alright. Since I was laid up on my deathbed for a few days, I had some time to myself (TV made me motion sick, so you can FORGET reading) and made a few decisions plus had an epiphany or two.

For starters, my job does suck. It's not just my imagination, I'm not over-reacting and I'm not in super crisis mode. It's terrible. I get treated like a peon, I'm overqualified, underpaid, and a monkey could do my job. They think because they own the business that they can make up the rules, and they can't.

No, they did not hire me to babysit their brat, or get their dry cleaning, or run their errands, or listen to them yell at each other or myself. Not only was it not in my job description, but it's not professional, and in the end, they're breaking a lot of rules and employment laws. I can do better than this. I WILL do better than this.

I've been exploring my options up to this point, but now I'm going to go AFTER them. I was afraid to quit, I hate quitting, but it has to be done. I'm not happy, and I'm tired of being broke all the time and stressed out because they put me there. I just need to grow the balls to do it.

Next on my list was school. I've been burnt out for a while. I was getting frustrated because I was all gung-ho and dove right in, set up a long term plan, got my goals, made contacts, did everything I needed to do to go back AND what I'd do after graduation, and then the wind let out of my sails. I realize it was because I'm bored. I'm retaking classes I've already taken, and the first time I took them I was bored because they are review.

I made the decision to go full steam ahead, skip getting my Associates (less classes that way) and jump into getting my Bachelors in Secondary Ed, focusing on English. I want to teach because I love helping and furthering people and I love reading and English, so that helped my decision on that. I decided that I would push a job with the DoD, teaching abroad, because I want to travel, and on a teacher's salary, that would be kind of hard, so teaching abroad would make it easier, and working for the government would give me great discounts on travel.

Now I have come to the conclusion that I'm NOT going to skip my Associates after all. I'm going to target on getting it, one goal at a time. Not only is that a more immediate goal, it will make things easier. With my previous plan, I couldn't test out of classes and was forced to take the more mundane review courses. If I go for my Associates first, I can test out of the classes, and take the more challenging and interesting ones. What a thought, actually GET something out of my education. Huh, novel idea.

After that I can go for my Bachelors, however I decide to do it. I can actually LEARN instead of push myself through it. I've already tested out of the class I'm currently in. I did that before work this morning. So, lucky me, no more classes for the semester. Unfortunately a lot of the classes I could test out of, I've already taken, but I can test into the more advanced classes and skip the middle ground.

All the rest of my thoughts involve love, life, family and relationships and I don't have the energy to get into that right now. At least I've made some major decisions on a few aspects and have started actions on them. I just need to KEEP with it, so maybe it'll actually HAPPEN.

OH HELL

2005-04-08T12:31:00.000-05:00

I had this awesome post that I tried to publish yesterday, and it disappeared. IN that post I commented on the new button on blogger to find your lost posts. NICE. When I clicked on it, it seems that blogger shit itself. I can't find ANYTHING. What the hell?

On a good front, I still have a job, the Nazi's were ok to me today (probably because they wanted me here for a few more days so Mrs. N could go get her undercover boob job), and I'm feeling slightly better.

Better than nothing.

Ol' Yeller

2005-04-05T00:21:00.000-05:00

Isn't that the movie where they had to shoot the dog to put it out of it's misery? Yeah, I'm that dog right now. I'm beyond miserable. I think my head is about to explode.

At least that way this goo in my lungs might ooze out. Too bad there's not a way to feel better without serious harm to myself. The only thing I can safely do right now is sleep, and the only way I can do that is sitting up. GREAT.

So, now I'm sitting at home feeling miserable for the second day. I did get a pleasant call this morning from Dee on behalf of Mrs. N. The word pleasant was total sarcasm.

She called basically to verify that I really was sick, to see if I was planning on coming in tomorrow, and to tell me that when I DO come in, to bring a receipt or something from the doctor to prove that I went. Nice. Not only is she mad that I was out of the office, but she didn't believe that I was sick, is requesting proof and is so mad that she made Dee call to do the fun work. I told Dee straight out that I didn't have the proof she was requesting.

For starters, they don't pay me enough to pay for insurance. The offer it, but don't cover it, and if I went through them, it would be over 1/2 my paycheck. I don't know if anyone has ever looked for individual insurance, but let's just say it SUCKS and is extremely expensive. So, I go to the county health clinic for any needs and have a catastrophic insurance policy in case anything happens, so my family won't be left with the bills.

Luckily, I know what this is. I had it a few months ago, and have had it MANY times before. Plus, the bonus is that my mom just had it as well, and SHE went to the doctor, who gave her refills in case she needed it. Well, now "she" does. Bad, I know, but it's the same script I always get, and it's nothing BAD, just a cough syrup and a decongestant.

Allergies cause sinus infection, that goes haywire and ends up in my throat and lungs. Good times. But, now it looks like not only am I going to be battling being sick, but I'll also be looking for a new job. I didn't intentionally get sick while she was out of the office.

Why would I do this intentionally? Believe me, the last thing I need to do is to make her mad. I do NOT want to lose my job. I guess there's always unemployment until I find something new. I've been talking about a new job for a while now, so if they fire me, then I won't have to worry about quitting. I really hate quitting.

Two of my biggest wimp moments are quitting a job and breaking up with someone. In both situations, I'd rather piss them off and make them get rid of ME. Oh well. I guess this may open the door for more opportunities.

Even Better

2005-04-01T14:24:00.000-06:00

NICE, it just SUDDENLY APPEARED. I'm so glad they have their shit together. It's bad enough when I don't, now the ONE thing that I try to rely on to keep some sanity is going bug fuck.

FABULOUS.

What the...?

2005-04-01T13:50:00.000-06:00

DAMMIT!

JANET! ~ that's what my sister would fill in after the first exclamation...

I had this beautiful post, full of funny and intelligent monologue and it's GONE. It's taken me over 4 hours to recover from this incident. Of course I can't remember ANYTHING of what I had said, except the fact that it was a diatribe about how sick I am and how it sucks.

Interesting I know, but believe it or not, I DID fill out a 6 paragraph post on the subject. Bastards. Maybe in a little while I'll have cooled down enough to actually post something interesting.

Save Our Saucepans

2005-04-01T09:09:00.000-06:00

I thought it was allergies, but I'm starting to think I'm genuinely sick. Great. This is NOT something I want to deal with right now.

I'm all congested, snorting, blowing my nose and sneezing. I feel like someone jabbed Brillo Pads in my eye sockets. Needless to say, I am NOT wearing makeup today.

Such a shame considering I'm breaking out like a teenager because of blowing my nose constantly. You know it's bad when your nose hurts when you sneeze. I'm not talking inside sinus pain hurting, I'm talking outside of your nose from MOVING from sneezing.

I ended up putting Carmex on my nose last night in hopes that I could BREATHE, as well as hoping it would help it heal. I think that lasted a whole two seconds before I had to blow it again and there was more goo on my Kleenex than on my nose.

It's so bad that I feel stoned. At this rate, I wish I WAS stoned. At least it'd be more enjoyable than THIS. OK, maybe not, but I had good intentions.

I just want this day to be OVER so I can go home, take a bath and relax. Sad to say it considering I had YESTERDAY off, but I was about two seconds from calling in sick today. I'm reserving it for Monday. A comes in town Saturday night and there's a possibility that he might stay later than Sunday.

Wait, that won't work, I'm flying solo in the office with Mr. Nazi on Monday and Tuesday because Mrs. N and Dee are going out of town for "business". Long story, I might post about it when I feel like talking about it. CRAP. I shoulda called in today....

How I Was Un-Arrested

2005-03-30T11:04:00.000-06:00

A recent post on OJ's blog brought forth comments that reminded me of this story. You are now being subjected to the oddity of my life.

My birthday was on the same day as two of my close friends. Schwan was 30 minutes older than me and acted 10 years younger. Bambi was a year older and was the frequent passerby in our group. When it was coming up on my 18th birthday, Schwan and I decided to have a bash.

We went scouting for locations and finally decided to rent a hotel room down the street from where we worked so our buddies could easily come right over after the restaurant closed. I was going to cook wings and some snacks and even conned our bartender friend to buy us alcohol.

On the day of the event we went shopping, checked into the suite, started setting up and got to cooking. My parents stopped by to wish me luck and brought a TON of booze. We were ready to go. Not too long afterwards, a couple people showed up.

Someone decided it would be a good idea to start a fire in the fireplace. Shortly there after, so many people were there and the fire was blazing so hot we had to open the windows. Next thing I knew, we were all quite lubricated and the cops were busting down the door.

I guess there were a few complaints so the hotel management called where some idiot answered the phone and never forwarded the message. Everyone scattered, even the two friends who were sharing the party with me. The only people that remained were Ghetto, a couple other friends, and my boyfriend at the time (but he hung back because he was afraid of getting nailed for Statutory Rape because he was 20 and my technical birthday wasn't until later that week).

The cops went through the suite, checked everything out, confiscated all the alcohol and then walked me up to the hotel office. The manager was a sweetheart and even gave me a half refund, but the cop who was escorting me wasn't so nice. His partner was ok, and tried to con the guy into letting me go, but Mr. Cock was insistent with charging me for Minor In Posession, Supplying Alcohol to Minors, Public Drunkenness and Public Disturbance (boyfriend lucked out cuz evidently the cop was on a roll).

I was read my rights, slapped in cuffs and thrown in the back seat while my friends begged and pleaded with them to let me go. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there, in the backseat, cuffed and the door is open. Some guy walks up to me. Evidently he had stopped by the party and left to get smokes.

When he came back, it was busted and he was on his way out when he saw us. WHO he was, I have no idea, but he just stood there, chatting it up, hitting on me, while I'm under arrest in a squad car. Finally, Mr. Cock told my friends that my only out was if I could get someone 21 or over to claim the alcohol RIGHT NOW.

The stranger talking to me winked, asked me for my number, claimed the alcohol and then walked away. Mr. Cock was furious and ordered his partner to let me loose. My boyfriend was pissed that I gave that guy my number, even if it DID get me out of jail, so I cut HIM loose.

So, my friends and I went to my parents house to finish off the party and not worry about getting busted for a second time. The stranger was kind enough to leave half of the booze by my friend's car and we wanted to finish it off. I never did hear from him, I'm just grateful that he got me out of trouble.

What Have You Done For Me Lately?

2005-03-29T15:35:00.000-06:00

Word to the wise, when quoting from a commercial because a person FROM THAT COMPANY walks into the room, you might want to think about it a little bit.

A man walks up the stairs to our office carrying a package. Dee, in her infinite wisdom says "what can brown do for you?"

Guess who walks in fit to be tied? An African-American UPS guy. My desk is closest to the door, in FRONT of hers, so I was in the crossfire for a little while. Sad thing is, she didn't realize what she did wrong until I told her after he left.

Just another exciting day at the office. Meanwhile, the phone is ringing off the hook and I sound like the squeaky receptionist from Office Space. It's either that or Kermit the Frog.

I taught my boss' daughter her Tuesday swim lesson this morning and girlfriend kicked water up my nose, which happens to be congested because of allergies. Nothing like a nice burning sensation that you CAN'T GET OUT. It's officially settled into my sinuses and my eyes won't stop watering.

Needless to say, I'm one hot chick today. Oh, and the good news is that I might be on TV. They were shooting a commercial at the gym I was at. Bad news is that it was in the pool. So my commercial debut is me looking like a wet dog in my bathing suit.

If anyone wants an autograph, let me know!

It Is Official

2005-03-28T15:50:00.000-06:00

According to Buttpan's gay brother, B is straight. This has been quite questionable for some time. We pretty much boiled it down to him being Asexual, but, the thoughts still lingered.

The way this came about is this:

Saturday night was the celebration for B's brother, so we went to the gay bar we've been frequenting lately, because it's his favorite hang out. Everyone became quite drunk, and out of nowhere, B's brother came up to me and we talked.

BB: I hope you'll be my sister in law... Me: WHAT?! BB: It's a secret, don't say anything, but I do hope you would be my sister in law, we all do, the whole family. He talks about you all the time and goes on and on about you, he covets you. I just know he won't do anything about it, at least not now. Me: Why, because he's gay? BB: I KNOW! You'd think it, but believe me, HE'S NOT. Poor kid didn't have a chance being my brother and all, but he made it, he's just not the typical "guy". He's Buttpan and we love him for it. Me: Well, that's the truth, AND the way we say it, it's just questionable sometimes. BB: If you guys never get married and you marry someone else, you better NEVER leave him!

Uh, ok. Well, I guess that is settled. Now we have another issue. I'm not super worried about it, but GD! That's not exactly the conversation I thought I'd be having with anyone. I just don't know if he's saying that because HE thinks it, or because Buttpan told him that. Oh well, I love him to bits just not like THAT.

It was one crazy night though, all sorts of stuff happened. The main event that took up a majority of the night was not fun at ALL though. Someone said something to Stein that just upset her and girlfriend started BAWLING and it took the three of us to calm her down enough to just TALK. Before the end of it, she went and sat in my Jeep for an hour before finally we just left.

I felt so bad for her! I think it was just a combo of her insecurities and the fact that she was sloppy drunk so she immediately switched to the SAPPY drunk instead. Evidently, she's fine now, but poor thing was still upset the next morning when she came by the apartment!

She was talking about stopping by tonight but A's flight got cancelled this morning and now he leaves tomorrow, so, we'll see.

Looking For Some Hot Stuff

2005-03-23T15:47:00.000-06:00

We took a late lunch today because the Nazi's went out for lunch. Dee and I decided to go get some salads and stop by the apothecary for some plug stoppers. She ran into the store while I sat in her car, smoking a cigarette, jamming out to some old school Bon Jovi hoping to improve my mood.

I rolled the window all the way down so as not to smoke box myself, and a guy passes by. First I see his super tight pants. They were tapered at the ankle and the cuff stopped 2 inches from the top of his worn Reebok's.

The farther away he walked, the more I could see. His jacket was black, with big red letters on the back. Marlboro. Not from the company, it was home-made.

A couple seconds later I could see hair. He had nasty, stringy, oily strands. The higher up you looked, the more oil there was. Finally I could see the crown of his head.

It was covered with short three inch long waves of grease. Slimy mullet. He was puffing away at his GPC like it was his lifeline, sucking every ounce from it that was humanly possible. When he finally hit the filter he let a little bit of smoke out of his mouth and then sucked it back in through his black teeth.

Immediately, without thinking or even realizing what I did until it was over with, I started hooting and hollering.

"OOOO! Get me some of THAT!! Hey baby, where'd YOU come from?"

As soon as I had said this much, Dee jumps in the car, throws it into gear and peeled out.

"OH MY GOD! I leave you alone for 2 minutes and you start trouble. I'm just surprised that he didn't come up to YOU, the magnet that you are."

We then cruise down the street to a restaurant and go to the drive through. She orders her salad with a diet coke and I decide to order a salad wrapped in a wheat tortilla (never had a "wrap" before so I figured I'd try it) and a sweet tea. You know what they asked?

"Do you ladies want to value meal that and get fries?"

Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously now. We just ordered a salad with fat-free dressing and a DIET drink, and you're asking me if I wanted FRIES?!

"No thanks," Dee said, and immediately pulled forward. "I was making a get-away before you opened your mouth again. Keep it shut when we get to the window, I just got this car cleaned, I don't need them chucking my drink at you."

Suddenly, my mood has improved.

This Says It ALL

2005-03-23T12:54:00.000-06:00

My horoscope for the day:

Try to make sure you get some quality time to yourself today, LZ. Your Scorpio nature is one that thrives on intensity of thought, creativity, sexuality, and emotion. Without adequate time alone in a space that is comfortable for you, you may begin to feel worn out. Such things as irritability or withdrawal can be strong indicators that it's high time you got some time to be alone with yourself. Make some plans for this today.

I've been in a foul mood all week so far. Predictor is dead on today, I think I might take the advice.

Bridesmaid? Who?

2005-03-23T10:55:00.000-06:00

The way it's going, you'd think that Ghetto was Princess Di or something. She's acting like a diva about the whole thing and that we're millionaires.

WHY in God's name would you pick out a dress that's $200? We haven't even ventured into the shoe department, I'm afraid to even ask. I'm the last one to order the dress, and she's still going to have to wait a bit for me to do it. I do NOT have the money to throw out $500 to be in her wedding. This is ridiculous.

Judy's dress is JUST LIKE Ghetto's, only it's $100 cheaper and happens to be 2 pieces instead of 1. I don't get it. Since when does everyone have all this money to throw around? PLUS, the gall that she has to ask Judy to spend this money when she's doing her own wedding at the same time? Luckily, with Judy's wedding, I can wear any shoes I want, as long as they're approved, and I have approval already.

This totally reaffirms my belief that I do NOT want to go through this if I ever get married. For real. When I was planning my wedding to CA, I got tired of it immediately and came to the realization that it's not what I want. Not only did I not want the typical wedding, but I didn't want to marry HIM, and it all went downhill from there.

My mom doesn't like it so much. I've told her about what I want to do and she hates it, but is willing to go along with it. She said that SOMEONE has to give her a real wedding, and that I was her only hope. My middle sister is so out there that if she ever does get married, it won't be a normal wedding, and my youngest sister is too young to even know what is going to happen with her.

Oh well, I'm not worried about it all right now, I just have to figure out how I'm going to pull off being in everyone else's weddings right now. I'm already done with this wedding bullshit, and they aren't even close yet. Great. This is going to be a long ride.

My Ears Are Bleeding!

2005-03-22T13:01:00.000-06:00

I'm stuck at the office, small office, and forced to listen to whatever the Nazi's put on the radio. Sometimes I'm forced to listen to conservative talk radio, other times I'm forced to listen to light rock or country. Needless to say, I am NOT a happy camper when it comes to the radio in this joint.

If I have to listen to Celine talk about her heart one more time I'm going to reach through the damn speakers and rip it out. My heart will go on... HER heart will be on my desk in a minute. I'll watch it stop beating right in front of me.

While fantasizing about this, Mr. N gets up and changes the channel. Country. Great. It's not so bad at first because Charlie Daniel's Band is playing Devil Went Down To Georgia. I can dig that. Who can't? It's a classic.

Unfortunately, now I'm listening to some chick wail about her daughter's eyes and I want to rip those out too. How pretty would your daughter be without them, I wonder? Hmmm, that's a thought. I can take girlfriend's eyes out to watch Celine's heart stop beating...

I seriously think my ears are bleeding. Between the music and my headache, someone's going to get hurt. It feels like someone shoved one of those springy door bumpers in my temple and keeps making it go BBOOIINNGG every few seconds.

My mood has started circling the drain. I'm waiting for someone to flush and put me out of my misery. I didn't get a chance to run to school on my lunch break, which means I have to do it after work. Normally, this wouldn't be that big of a deal, but my mom took her car to the shop today, meaning I picked her up and took her to work, and now have to pick her up, bring her to school with me, then drop her off at home or at the shop if her car's done. I hope it's done, otherwise her ass is going to be stranded tomorrow because I can't drive her home, I have a test.

So, drop my mom off SOMEWHERE, then go home, read, do my homework, study for my test, finish loading my DSL and hope like hell I can grab a bite to eat and a bath to get rid of my headache, somehow. Shit, I don't have anything for dinner but peanut butter. Well, I guess I'm bach'n it tonight. Do some reading while relaxing in the tub, then do the rest later.

Great, the N's are bickering. At least it's drowning out some guy going down home. Twang Twang BBBOOOIIINNNGGG.

Sharp As A Bowling Ball

2005-03-22T08:53:00.000-06:00

So, my DSL package came yesterday. Life is good until it comes time to install it. Not so smart, really. I'm not talking about myself, well, only partly, but I'm mostly referring to The Company.

WHY would you send out a package, two day mail, for installation and not start service for 10 days? I mean, come on. It isn't rocket science. Last night, I would have thought it was.

They sent this package, with a little brochure, a welcome letter, and a sheet of paper that tells you what everything is. The brochure tells you all about how easy this is to install. It looks simple, just pop in this CD and it has a self tutorial that tells you everything to do.

Insert CD.

WELCOME! Thank you for choosing The Company to meet your internet needs. Follow each instruction as follows and do not do ANYTHING unless prompted to do so. If the steps are not done in a certain order, you have to start over.

This is the filter for your phone, plug it in. Now plug in all of them to EVERY phone jack in your home. Now decide which one you want to use for your DSL. Now plug THIS cord into THIS filter like so.

Insert plugs and cord.

How do you plan to connect to the internet? USB, Ethernet or wireless.

Wireless.

Which wireless application are you using? Card, attachment, or jury rig.

Card.

Please wait while we connect.

We're sorry, you are not connected to the internet. Please re-type the two numbers on the bottom of your "gateway".

Type the numbers.

Please wait while we connect.

We're sorry, you are not connected to the internet. Please re-type the two numbers on the bottom of your "gateway".

See where I'm going with this? 4 times I did it and 4 times it started over. Finally, I hit HELP, and it said to look at the manual. THEY DIDN'T SEND ME ONE. I clicked HELP again, it said to check my wireless card. I did, it said it was working. WTF. What happened to "easy"?

So, I decided to read the welcome letter. "Troubleshooting facts" - now we're getting somewhere. 1. Make sure you followed the instructions by order. Check. 2. Make sure your power light is on continuously and not blinking. Check. 3. Make sure your phone cord is plugged in. Check. 4. Make sure all of your filters are plugged in. Check. 5. While you may install your internet service at any time, please wait until the service has been turned on before you finish the registration process. If this is not done, you must start over. WHAT?! I have service. I think...

Please check your packing slip for service start date. What packing slip? I never got the manual, never the less a packing slip. Oh, of course, they GLUED it to the fucking box. RRRIIIPPP. Well, I got HALF of it off. Hopefully it's the right half.

Sure enough, they two day mailed the package, and didn't start service until TODAY. Not like I didn't get a note on my door from the delivery service Wednesday letting me know that I had to sign for the box and it was in. Never mind the fact that I got lucky and Stein was home today to receive the box on the last day of delivery, saving me from going to hell and gone to pick the doggon thing up this weekend.

So, I left my laptop on, the disk in and the program running for when I get home tonight so I can finish it. It's probably like 2 clicks away from being done ANY DAMN WAY. Morons. WHY would you do that? Seriously.

Not to mention the fact that I am NOT a happy camper about my new class I just started last night. Why do you need a book for a SPEECH class? Not just any book, a $65 paperback that is a total of 120 pages. It's a conspiracy I tell ya. I held out on getting the book because I still had my one from when I tried taking this class last semester (that I got for $12 off the internet), and because since it's SPEECH class, I thought that it would be like LAST time I took one of these classes and the book was an AID, not mandatory. No dice.

PLUS, I have 2 chapters to read, a questionnaire to fill out (because the teacher needs to know my life story for the 8 weeks that I'll be there) and a bunch of questions from the book. Oh, and STUDY for the TEST that's in 2 days. Yes, I have a TEST, in SPEECH, from a BOOK, TOMORROW. Don't you learn by application? This is a speech class, not history, not literature, SPEECH. I don't get it.

So, now I have to waste my measly 30 minute lunch break going to campus to BEG them to take my book that I DON'T need (even though I didn't buy it from them) in order to get the book I do need, hopefully at a discounted rate for my trade-in. I would buy it online cheap like I did the last one, but seeing as I need it to do my work TONIGHT for class TOMORROW, I'm going to bite the bullet and pay the extra money to just get it over with.

What is it with people? Good God. I think there's something in the water. Don't drink it.

Yippee!

2005-03-21T09:27:00.000-06:00

Well, good times. For starters, Stein kept calling the phone company and they kept saying it was our phone. I knew it wasn't, because I nabbed my parents phone and plugged it in just to test it and it still didn't work. She's a little uber nice, so has a hard time getting stern with them and because my name isn't on the account, they wouldn't talk to me.

We were going to pull a quick one on them this weekend and have me call with her info and play her, but before we could get that far, my dad came by to install the satellite (which is working perfect by the way) and checked the lines with some doo-dad and it wasn't the phone, but the line technically worked. Evidently, the people who lived there before us had disconnected ALL of the jacks and stopped the wires, so he hooked it back up and now we're in business.

The DSL package tried to be delivered Friday, and Stein has the week off so she's going to start moving her stuff in a couple weeks early and stay there to sign for it. If I'm advantageous, I'll hook it up when I get home from class tonight. Otherwise, it'll be done tomorrow night.

So, if the wireless hub is in functioning order, we are ALL done! Woo-hoo! I'm feeling so much better now! That takes a load off. AND, I ordered my dining room table, it gets delivered on the 31st. I'm so excited! The only thing left to purchase is a couple side tables, which I don't have a ton of room for, so I think I might go to a couple Goodwill's and antique shops and refurb something cheap, save myself the dough and keep myself occupied.

To make things even better, I talked to A practically all weekend. Last week was an odd week for us. I started getting really paranoid and insecure about things (which is totally not like me) and came to the realization that the past couple times we've seen each other, I was the one who initiated it, I call him most of the time, and he doesn't always reply to my text messages. I thought maybe I was smothering him or something.

The fact that he has a lot of stuff going on that's super stressful for him, and I won't be able to see him for 3 to 4 weeks just set me over the edge. I wanted to talk to him about all these things yet was afraid I would come across as some clinging psycho. I never had to address any of it. He called like 10 times over the weekend and we talked about everything, he initiated ALL of it, apologized many times for the way things went and said he'll work on things so it doesn't happen again AND is going out of his way to see me while all of this is going on.

He has to go out of town a couple times, which is why we might not be able to see each other, so he's going to fly out of our airport so he can see me. He said that he felt bad it was only a short while, but it was better than nothing. I have to agree.

I am a little nervous though. He has a job opportunity. It sounds like a good deal, because it'll bring him 5 1/2 hours closer to where his parents live than where he is now, and he needs that because his mom is really ill. Unfortunately, that means it's 5 1/2 hours farther away from me. I know it'll be very good for him, so I am happy that he even has this opportunity, but I know it'll make things even more difficult for us, and I'm not looking forward to that aspect.

He doesn't know anything yet, so we'll see. It's not like it'll happen immediately anyway, so I guess we have time to figure things out. I guess it'll be a good trial for not only will, but also if things will work out. At least we've started figuring things out for the short run, that's a definite benefit!

Don't Nobody Snitch, Now, Ya Hear?

2005-03-17T22:07:00.000-06:00

I just realized something. I'm still having phone issues, hence no wireless internet connection at the new casa. Yet, I step outside to have a smoke, bringing the ol' laptop with me so I can continue to play a game that I just started, and WHAMMO, I'm connected.

In an apartment community, most people have their connections security locked. Some poor sap didn't do such. Unfortunately, the only place I get connected is on the PATIO. Freaking freezing out here at 10pm, but, I thought I'd share this new found info.

At least I have a way to keep updated. Unfortunately, it's kicked me off twice so far. Maybe they've found me out. But they didn't lock it, so, until I get my own, I think I'll continue to occasionally kype thiers!

How Eager Is Your Beaver

2005-03-16T08:59:00.000-06:00

I received this email yesterday and I laughed so hard (or stifled such a hard laugh) that snot flew out of my nose. I know, gross, but I'm still sick so what can you do? I was debating on posting it, but after reading Kat's post and the comments on there, I HAD to, it's mandatory.

WAX JOB

All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the EpilStop, and now... The Wax.

My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from work, fixed dinner for my son and we played for a while. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple hours: maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet.

I set up my boy with a video and head to the site of my demise, um, I mean bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them apart, press it on your leg (or wherever) and ignore the frantically rising crescendo of string instruments in the background. No muss, no fuss. How hard can this be? I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls but I'm mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this works. You'd think.

So I pull on of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other, stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and soften the wax (I'm guessing). I go one better: I pull out the hair dryer! And heat the SOB to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, my butt (Oh how that phrase will haunt me).

I lay the strip across my thigh. I hold the skin around it and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but it wasn't bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!

With my next wax strip, I move north.

After checking on the boy and verifying that he was, in fact, becoming one with Bear and learning all about smells, I sneak into the bathroom for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I then apply the wax strip across the right side on my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching up into the inside of the right butt cheek (yeah, it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply. I brace myself.

RRRIIIPPP!!!

I'm blind! Blind from the pain! ...Vision returning. Oh crap. I've managed to pull off half an inch of the strip. Another deep breath. And RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and tie-dyed? Do I hear crashing drums?

OK, coming back to normal again. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold the wax strip like an Olympic gold medalist.

But why is there no hair on it? Why is the wax mostly gone?

Where could the wax go, if not on the strip?

Slowly, I eased my head down, my foot still perched on the toilet. I see hair - the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the ceiling and silently shout "nooooo!!" and realize I have just begun living my own personal version of "The Tar Baby."

I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big mistake - up to this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the toilet.

I know I needed to move, to do something. So I put my foot down on the floor. And then I hear the slamming of the cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt? Sealed shut.

A little voice in my head says "I hope you don't have to shit anytime soon. Your head just might pop off." I penguin walk around the bathroom trying desperately to figure out what I should do next.

Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand and get in - the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right? Wrong.

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit. Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt cold wax.

So now I'm stuck to the tub.

I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school so surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's never good start to a conversation with "so my butt and vagina are stuck to the tub."

She doesn't have a trick. She does her best to suppress laughter. She wants to know exactly where the wax is on the butt. "Are we talking cheek or hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying to hide the giggles now.

I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where the wax actually is. "You know that if we were working the help line at XX Wax Co. and somebody called in with their entire crack sealed shut we'd just put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone we know. You're going to end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them the truth."

While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off!

In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to other subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the lotion provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start screaming "It's working! It's working!" I get a hearty congratulations from C and we hang up.

I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the hair is still there. So I shaved the damned stuff off. Hell, I was numb by that point anyway. And then I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet. Never know when a mustache might start to come in.

Tonight, I attempt hair dying.

One Sick Puppy

2005-03-15T16:18:00.000-06:00

I have a very morbid and sick sense of humor. Always have. It runs in my family, really.

Another fun part of my personality is that I quote from movies. A lot. Now, they may not be exact quotes, but you get the general jist.

So, my dad goes out of town during the week for work. He installs large pieces of equipment in new facilities and also maintains/repairs them. I won't say WHAT type of equipment, because unfortunately, with the contracting trade, they know everyone everywhere and the last thing I need to do is give away more information than I need to.

So, during the week, we text each other. Me through email, him through his phone. His current assignment is installations at a new arena where A lives.

I have a huge issue with what they called this arena. As of late, everything is being purchased by monster companies. The local outdoor concert hall had a glorious name, and is now called "A CellPhone" Amphitheatre because it was bought out. Call me old fashioned or rebellious, but I call it the old name, not this new corporate congomorate advertising statement.

The same goes with many sports stadiums and even the casinos around here. They are all one large billboard for one product or another by saying the name alone. I don't care WHO owns it, it is still The X Stadium, not the Viagra Statium or whatever they call it.

This leads me to my tendency to quote from movies. Baseketball. LOVE that movie. The opening 10 minutes of it says everything I have to say about the subject, and then some. So, when Dad said he was working on Advertisement Arena, I immediately started calling it the "Fill in the blank with an unappropriate product Arena".

Every time I asked him about work, I came up with one outlandish name after another until I found one that fit.

"How's work at the Tampax Arena going?"

"A lot of red and the seats are a little spotty" was his reply.

We have a winner. I called it the Tampax Arena when we drove by it last weekend. I said it to A, with which he turned and looked at me like I was insane. He had obviously NOT seen my movie. Dammit.

Fortunately enough, my dad has, and he understood. I think it's time to broaden A's horizens of movie watching. Not only that, but I really need him to watch the Kevin Smith collection. That way, when we pass by a VW and I say "screw them in an uncomfortable place", he won't think I'm trying to strap one on.

Talkin' To The Fishies

2005-03-15T14:07:00.000-06:00

So, during the summer time, I teach my boss' daughter swim lessons. Last summer was slow because it was so cold most of the time that we hardly had a chance to use their outdoor neighborhood pool.

This year they had something else in mind. Evidently, they'd been having a hard time finding a good gym, and they just opened a new community rec center with a pool, so they got a family membership, and threw me on it. All so I can teach "the little one" whenever they see fit.

At first I was apprehensive about it, but today was the first lesson, and I'm actually happy with it. She did great, the facility is awesome, and in the end, I get out of the office for 2 hours with a free lunch and gym membership out of the deal. Can't complain much.

Hopefully I'll actually get some free time and be able to throw in a few pilates lessons. That would be good. I've been wanting to get into that. Especially now that I'm going to be parading around in a bathing suit more often and I need a little help.

A gal's body starts doing wierd things at my age and I'm not too happy about it (and yes, I know, it will only get worse, especially after kids). I've always been somewhat slender and fairly in shape, but the past year my body has shifted to make me look like a congealed bottle of droopy pudding. At least in my opinion.

I know it's probably not THAT bad, but I've always been very athletic and at the top of my game, even when I was a little heavier than I am now. This change really SUCKS. My hips shifted, making my ass drop and it's causing some very unsightly ripples in the thighs. Not too keen on it.

I know that working out won't take care of the problem wholly, but it can't hurt. At least I will feel like I'm being a little productive about it. Maybe it'll put off my emergency call to Extreme Makeover for a little while longer.

My Favorite Color

2005-03-14T14:34:00.000-06:00

Believe it or not, it is NOT purple. I swear.

EVERY single person that enters my room says, "I wonder what your favorite color is?" in this sarcastic tone.

YES, my room is purple. NO, it is NOT my favorite color.

To tell you the truth, I just recently even started LIKING the color. Purple and pink were on my no-no list for the vast majority of my life.

Over a year ago, when I left CA, I pretty much wanted to burn EVERYTHING that was his, he gave me, or he touched that I found significant. Needless to say, my sheets were the first thing to go. My dad, out of the kindness of his heart, got me a whole new bedding set. Sheets, pillow cases, duvet cover, the whole shebang. Unfortunately, the sheets were purple. The rest was ivory, neutral enough, but, the purple took some getting used to.

When I found out that I could paint my apartment, the first thing I did was camp out trying to decide what color to paint my room. The only color that would work that was NOT white or close to it, was purple. So, now I have a purple throw, sheets (which are mostly covered by my ivory duvet) and walls.

However, my favorite color is ACCENTED throughout the room. Better than nothing, but damn. Green and purple DO look good together, thank GOD. I think I'm going to have to post 2 signs in my apartment.

1. The entry to the apartment should have a sign saying "THOU MUST REMOVE THY SHOES BEFORE ENTERING THINE DOMICILE".

2. My bedroom should have a sign on the outside of the door stating "BEWARE: ROOM CONTAINS GRAPE VOMIT. NOT A SUBJECT FOR DISCUSSION".

Back To The Grind

2005-03-14T10:01:00.000-06:00

It was an exciting weekend. Long drive, but, worthwhile.

Let me start by saying, A lives not only 3 hours away in a different state, but a state that I do NOT have the best luck driving through solo. Last time I went through there, I got a speeding ticket. Not just a speeding ticket, but a BIG speeding ticket.

It was so bad that they revoked my driving privileges in the STATE for 3 years. Nothing like getting busted doing 97 in a 65, when I wasn't even DOING it, but the po-dunk town that I got pulled over near only has 5 lawyers, two of which are the prosecuting attorneys. There is NO way to prove you weren't speeding if the cop doesn't offer the evidence to prove it, and you don't have the rapport to prove your side like he does his.

Anyway, this may have been 6 1/2 years ago, but, the memory remains. So, when I announced my intentions for the weekend, both my parents and A kept reminding me to take my time, drive slow, even if it took longer. The way there I did, the way home I didn't. It worked out even I think.

So, Friday night A gives me directions, tells me to be careful, and gives me his ETA for being home (he had to work for a bit). I decide that I would leave between 2 and 3 Saturday afternoon, giving me 3 hours to drive, and it would be neutral. He called at 3 letting me know he got home. Dammit. I was ready to leave around 12 but thought better about it. He gave me a way to get in his house if he was running late, but I didn't want to tool around his place alone when I'd never been there before.

No matter. I got there, we went out to dinner, had a great time. Unfortunately, I was STILL sick, from HIS cold, and we just vegged the whole time I was there. It was still great though. He cooked me brunch AND a late lunch/dinner, which was wonderful, we watched movies, talked, but mostly spent the whole time curled up on the couch enjoying each others company.

I like weekends like that, sick or not. In the end, it was really hard to leave. I hate that. I told him that, and he said that's why the times he's come out to see me, that he's stuck around a lot longer than he probably should. Oh well, there's other time.

So now, I'm back at work, trying to keep myself entertained. I want the upcoming weekend to get here already.

Might Be A Little Bit Longer

2005-03-11T16:13:00.000-06:00

Doggon utility companies. I swear. It's gonna take at LEAST another week to get my DSL up and running. ARG. I JUST got home telephone service, so, I technically should be able to use dial up, but, I can't program wise.

When I ordered my laptop, I mandated that AOL not come within FEET of my computer, never the less be installed in it. I have had SUCH bad luck with them, that I didn't even want it to come near my PC. Every time I have had it installed on any computer that I know about, it's gone haywire and crashed them. I'm not dealing with that.

So, now, I think I might go to a nearby internet cafe and use THEIR wireless network to download some cheap program just so I can get online. I really hate doing that. Maybe I can do some limited usage one that's free. Hmmm... Now it's got me thinking about it.

Reality wise, I use the internet a LOT. Too much to subscribe to a free site that's limited just for dial up. On the other hand, it might be for just a week, so, I SHOULD be able to get by with just 50 hours for 7-10 days... Maybe... I'll have to consider it.

Then again, do I really want to put THAT crap on my computer? Hmmm... I have an AOL screen name through my parents, and they have it set up where you can have multiple users on it at once, maybe... No, I refuse to do that, it goes against everything that I stand for.

Like my internal monologue listed out here? Fab, huh. I feel so left out not having service at home and only being able to check at work, and then lo and behold, I can't even freaking COMMENT now. Just great.

Good thing this day is almost over, I'm going out for drinks with a couple people, and then going to visit A at HIS home tomorrow. That should cheer me up... If only my head wasn't going to explode, this day might be a little bit better!

There Are Just Some Things You Shouldn't Share

2005-03-09T09:46:00.000-06:00

Your cold is one of them. Thanks A, really appreciate it. Halfway through the day it started to rear it's ugly head and I felt like I got hit by a mack truck by the end of the night last night.

Fabulous. Although, if that's the price I have to pay for him to come in and see me, then it was worth it.

As I said before, he knocked on my door Saturday night, still in his suit, with a plant and an awesome bowl from a local potter he likes (local from his home town, not where he lives now). It was gorgeous. Ooo, and I got a backrub out of the deal, also.

He used to work at a nursery and loves plants. He can't have any now because he travels for work so much they'd all die. As he says, he can't even have fish. So he walked in, gave me the plant, explained what it was, what it did, how to take care of it, all the fun stuff, and said he didn't know if I was a plant person or not.

I am, I don't know much about them, but I like them, just have issues taking care of them. I kill cacti. He said he thought that, which is why he got me what he did, and that it takes such little maintenance that he can do it when he comes to visit me.

Folks, a good looking man that your crazy about shows up at your door in a suit and a plant and offers to come take care of you and it, now that's enough to make your heart melt. Unfortunately, it was pretty evident from the start that he was sick, so we pretty much spent the rest of the weekend lounging around, talking, napping, watching movies (I LOVE crazy movies, and he picked about every single one of them to watch) and cooking.

Boyfriend can COOK. It was a battle over the kitchen, really. I love cooking, and am very particular about the state of my kitchen and how things are done, but we actually cooked together for dinner on Sunday, and it worked well. I'm not quite sure whether he was catering to me and following my lead on how I took care of things and did things or if he's the same way, but we were naturally quite coordinated. Although, we are going to have to have a talk about my knives.

I just got a new set, and I absolutely LOVE them, and I'm a really REALLY big nazi on how my knives should be taken care of and he flunked. No biggie, I just took them out of the dishwasher before they went through and did it myself, but, next time, we have to have a pow wow. For anyone who doesn't know, the only type of knife that should go through the dishwasher is your table knife.

All sharp edged knives should be washed in hot water with a sponge and mild soap, then immediately dried and put away. Not only does it save them from rust, but also it keeps them from getting dull and warped. I learned it from working in a kitchen and it stuck with me.

Other than the knife debacle, we were good to go. He stayed a lot later than I had originally thought, which isn't bad, and helped me arrange my furniture Monday morning when it was delivered and then left for work. We've only just started dating and I already HATE the fact that he doesn't live here.

I know it won't matter much because he travels during the week anyway, but it still sucks. I've talked to him a couple times since he's left and we're going to talk about him coming out again soon.

Sad thing is, I don't know if I can technically call him my boyfriend. I think that's the next talk we're going to have. When we did our power dating thing, we talked about how neither of us are casual daters (tried it with E and it blew up in my face) and got out in the open what we want, like, will and won't tolerate and the finite details of dating. Since then we've talked about it a few times and it's not like we're dating around, I just think that we need to make it official, even though it doesn't seem to matter much, but, oh well.

Anyway, back to the grind, I guess I should probably get some work done. Boo hoo!

I'm Alive, Sort Of.

2005-03-08T13:18:00.000-06:00

Well, the big move is DONE. Thank God. I got off work Friday at 4, ran to the apothecary cuz I knew I wouldn't get a chance to re-up my scripts this weekend, and then hit the NEW PAD.

First off, they lost the freaking keys so they had to give us a new lock. THEN, we get in and they said that they just painted and gave us new carpet. Nice, except they gave us the new carpet and then painted with a spray gun. Guess what was on the freaking carpet?

Not a lot, just enough to make an anal person like ME nuts. I think I'm gonna have to bust out some nail scissors and a flashlight. The good thing is that we got 3/4 of my boxes in and my kitchen and both bathrooms set up by 8pm. Then we painted 1/2 the living room and 1/2 my bedroom by midnight. Problem is, that we didn't remember the walls were textured and it just SOAKED up the paint. I had to hit the store and get more Saturday morning.

The bad thing was that first off, the local telephone company had total sphincter vision and couldn't find our address so we never got the phone going. Hence, no updates, no phone, no internet. THEN, the apartment people said that the satellite would be easy, just hook up the pre-programmed boxes. WRONG! If that's all that was necessary, then why do people have dishes on their patios? PLUS, there is no hook up outside, so how in the HIGH HELL do you get it inside the apartment? No phone, no tv.

Luckily, I was done painting and moved in by noon Saturday, and totally unpacked and set up by 7pm that night. My TV, stand and home theater system was delivered at noon, and all my livingroom furniture was delivered yesterday at noon. I have 4 boxes to do still, 2 are decorations, and 2 are from the LAST time I moved that I never went through. So, tonight is my first night ALONE and plan on doing all that and getting it over with.

A got in town Saturday night around Midnight, still in his suit from the business meeting he had. I guess he just left from dinner and came straight out. NUM! He was such a sweetheart, too. He brought a plant and an absolutely GORGEOUS bowl from some local potter that he goes to all the time. It was all just WONDERFUL!

I'm not going to get into many details on that right now, save it for a separate post some other time. I might be sparse posting until I get service at home... I'll try and keep updated though!

4 O'clock Needs To Hurry Up And Get Here Already!

2005-03-04T10:51:00.000-06:00

I am bouncing off the walls. I get out of here an hour early so I can start the moving process and it's just not getting here fast enough. I'm excited. Beyond excited, actually.

I know that I'm kind of crazy today, and I'm SURE the people in the office are going to want to kill me before it's time to leave. I'm playing it smart though, getting ALL my work done early so that it'll prompt them to hopefully let me out a little earlier, just to get me out of their hair.

I doubt it'll work, but, I gotta try. Mind you, I'm not intentionally getting hyperactive and trying to drive them nuts. That's happening naturally. It's the pushing work out that I'm doing intentionally. Oh well, we'll see how it pans out!

Just One Of Dem Days...

2005-03-03T11:48:00.000-06:00

Dem Dere Days, actually. I don't want to do anything. I have a few things left to do, but the lack of energy to do it. It's my day off, as usual, and I planned on sleeping in since I wouldn't be able to sleep in this weekend.

The stupid puppy woke me up at 7, which is STILL 30 minutes earlier than I get up to go to work, and I couldn't go back to sleep. But, it did give me some time to text A, talk to my dad to finalize plans, and talk to Stein about the utilities.

Funny thing is, I really haven't been out of bed yet. I know it sounds odd, but I LOVE my bed. I practically LIVE in it. It'll be exciting once I move because then I'll have space so I can start to break that habit, but in the meantime, here I am.

I think it all started when I was a kid, especially a teenager. You lock yourself into your room and camp out in your bed, listen to some tunage, read, whatever. It was your safe haven. Then I went to college, I hated my suite mates, so again, I lived in my bed.

After that, I had roomates, living partners, and back with the parental units, so, the cycle continued. I know that shortly I'll have another roomate, but my past roomies weren't really good people to live with, hopefully this will be different. I guess we'll see.

I really should get out of bed at some point...

I Don't Wanna Be Here

2005-03-02T12:41:00.000-06:00

I don't want to get whiney, but damn. I am SO SICK of ACTING busy. It is SO slow in this joint, that it's driving me insane. I have many other things that I could be doing today, and instead I'm staring at my computer screen.

I wish I had more PTO, then I could take another vacation day and get stuff done. Actually, at that rate, I'd rather take Friday off, then I could have a 5 day weekend. Oh well. Too late now, considering I have to give them a freaking MONTH notice to have even an HOUR off. Gotta love it.

Also, it doesn't help that I'm tired. I got myself pumped up last night talking to A, and when I finally settled in, my mom's new puppy kept me up all night. Good Lord that thing is vocal. Plus, she hasn't named the doggon thing yet. Nice.

Interesting...

2005-03-02T12:07:00.000-06:00

Ok, I'm taking this from Lars... But I'm changing it a bit...

Name the states you've been to, the states you've lived in and the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C /

The Count Down Is On

2005-03-02T09:43:00.000-06:00

I am pumped. Officially. The furniture is ordered and I just got word that ALL of it will be delivered on Monday. I'm ordering my AV equipment and stand tonight and having it delivered either Saturday or Monday as well.

Tonight I'm picking up cleaning supplies and a few odds and ends and finishing packing. Pretty much everything's done. I have to do all my laundry tomorrow on my day off, but, that's it. It's just waiting to get the keys Friday and I'm in like Flynn, baby.

I am SO anal, that I have everything organized, labeled and planned out. Actually, I have for a while now. How bad is that? Cool thing is, that in the course of 24 hours, four people have added an offer to help me set things up. I may actually be not only moved, but moved and totally set up by dinner Saturday night. ROCK ON!

This is going to be a good weekend. I'm moving, I have two months of freedom and living solo (Stein doesn't move in until May) and A is coming to stay with me. I can't wait. I'm antsy and I KNOW that I'll be driving everyone nuts Friday until they let me leave. Poor people... Oh well, at least I'm not on the receiving end.

Yay!

2005-03-01T23:29:00.000-06:00

SOOOOO, A said yesterday in our talk that I needed to come up with questions to ask him, since he randomly asks me questions. So, today I came up with said questions, and was so bored at work that I typed, categorized and prioritized them.

We talked for a couple hours tonight and he answered a few of them by just the flow of conversation. Two of my main questions were when I was going to see him again and what he wanted/where he saw things going. Those never came up in conversation, unfortunately. So finally he said to text tomorrow, we'd talk tomorrow night if that was ok and I could finish asking my questions considering I never really got around to many.

I told him I had one more question, when we were going to be able to do something again. I am NEVER bold like that, but then again, I'm never a lot of things that I've been lately... I guess I'm turning over a new leaf. Long story short, he wanted to come out this weekend, but didn't want to put more stress on me because of my move, and figured he'd talk to me about next weekend when the time got closer.

Well, I just happen to have the luxury of moving a few boxes and only my bedroom furniture. The rest of the apartment was recently purchased and will be DELIVERED to me on Saturday and Monday, so, my hard part is done by noon Saturday. Woo hoo. He is officially coming Saturday night. He has a business dinner that evening, and once it's done, he'll hit the road and be in around midnight, and stay all day Sunday, and either leave that night or sometime on Monday because he has an appointment out of town on Tuesday.

I'm excited... I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep. Yay!

Doesn't Really Surprise Me

2005-03-01T15:36:00.000-06:00

Your Brain is 40.00% Female, 60.00% Male

You have a total boy brain
Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts
And while your emotions do sway you sometimes...
You never like to get feelings too involved

See, I Was Overreacting Again

2005-03-01T00:17:00.000-06:00

We talked for over 2 hours. Life is better. No talk on who's going where and when, but it was productive. We talked life, dreams, wishes, favorite color, crazy stuff. A bunch of these things we talked about before, but we got more indepth.

It was nice. I may not have gotten word on when I'll see him again, but I did get an update on his schedule for the next two weeks and when I can TALK to him again, which is good news. Also, I found out that he's really into trying this out and seeing how things go, which is reassuring.

I guess you could say we're dating exclusively but still exploring the options... Odd, I know, but this whole thing is odd, regardless. I revealed a bit more about myself than I intended, really, and a couple of times I was afraid I wasn't going to get a very positive reaction. It seemed to work out, it's just that he sounded hesitant in his response, but I think it was from lack of explanation, so I elaborated.

I guess the fact that he wants to talk to me again in the next couple days is a good sign and we'll go from there.

Although, while I was on the phone with him, one of the goddamn cats knocked a glass of water over on my laptop and I about skinned it. Of course, after we hung up, I immedately had to restart it to make sure it was working. Hence, why I'm posting right now. I just couldn't resist and it helps me sort things out in my head.

Not So Much

2005-02-28T20:59:00.000-06:00

To post about today, that is... I don't know why, but, I'm just quiet for once. I know, it's a rarity.

Throughout most of the day today I've been thinking about things. I always second guess myself. Maybe I have good reason to, I don't know yet. I haven't talked to A since he left and I don't know what to think of that just yet. We text messaged each other a couple times but it was more "just saying hi" kind of stuff. No call.

I'm chicken, I didn't want to call and bombard him, or come off like a stalker, so I just let it go. This morning I emailed him, quick hello again, wondered if he was travelling this week, how was your weekend, stuff like that. I got a reply around noon. He's staying around home all week, catching up on paperwork, hopes my day is going well and he'll talk to me soon. Granted, the "soon" was really "SOOOOON", but after pretty much power dating and spending 4 days together, I wouldn't assume he would have practically fallen off the face of the earth for the next 4 days afterwards.

So, here I am, thinking I'm an idiot for everything. I knew that with E, things were casual, I just wanted to have a good time, but with A, I was hoping that things would actually go somewhere. Damn the luck. The one I didn't want to profess his undying love for me does, and the one I wanted to at least TRY things with happens to lose interest. Great.

While typing this, he text me again saying what I THINK is that he'll call me later if I'm available... Yeah, problem is, the CALL was missing... "Hope you had a good afternoon. I will give you a later if you will still be around :)"

Nice... Hopefully I'll have more to say tomorrow.

Why Do I Always Do This?

2005-02-27T04:03:00.000-06:00

Post drunk I mean....

We had an absolutely great night. Well, I've had a fabulous week, really. First it was the great time with A, then I had a pretty good work week (a rarity, really), then Friday I was "released" from work early, and we went shopping, shopping, and gambling. Then today... And I rarely ever post on the weekend, too....

So, today is my mom's birthday. It's usually a sore spot. Either one of our birthday's is, really. The story is, she was overly protected by my grandparents and dated a guy her first year in college (community college, they wouldn't let her go away), and whammo, first time having sex, in a car no doubt, and I'm the result. Shot gun wedding is a reality people. Mom ended up pregnant and grandpa hunted down the S.D. with said shot gun and threated him into marrying her.

Well, S.D. was an abusive polygamist asshole and she divorced him, and was stuck with me, at 22, with a 4 year old. Every year, with one of our birthdays, it's ALWAYS, my whole life, been a major evacuation. Mom remembers her mistakes, makes our lives miserable, and birthdays, holidays for that matter, are always a bad memory trip and I basically wish I was never born.

Today was my mama's birthday and it was the best I can ever remember. She got up at the dick of dawn to go look for a puppy (since I had to get rid of MY baby, she's been in mourning and trying to replace her with her OWN), got one, brought it home, and we just had a good time until I left to go out with Buttpan and Stein.

Mom got a Siberian Husky. Cute as a button. Normally, it would be a normal persons "AWWW, isn't that cute", but it's a bit different to US. Even my dad didn't see it.

My mom and I have always been drawn to that kind of dog. My Papa (grandfather's "father") had a Siberian/Wolf mix and that's the one part of our lives that we look to with stability. I even find myself leaning towards them. Not just because of the absolutely gorgeous eyes and wonderful coat and demeanor, but because it's kind off like an attachment to a certain part of our lives.

So, mom gets said puppy, we have a great time with it, I pack a bit, and then go out. A night of watching movies at Buttpan's turns into a couple drinks and going midnight bowling. Then a couple drinks turns into forgetting bowling, dropping Stein at home (she was tired) and going gay bar hopping again.

LOVE IT. Just love it. We intended to HOP, but only ended up at one, had a good time, ran into a few people I knew, drank too much, drove home and here I am... But I loved it. It was just one of those fun weeks that I'm just too excited about, and the fact that I move in LESS THAN A WEEK is too much for me..... I can't contain my excitement!

More Than You Ever Wanted To Know

2005-02-26T01:44:00.000-06:00

1) WHAT ARE YOUR RANDOM 10 SONGS?
Lullaby – The Cure
Teardop – Massive Attack
Alone I Break – Korn
Raspberry Swirl – Tori Amos
Overcome – Tricky
Don’t Follow – Alice In Chains
Magic Man – Heart
Schism – Tool
Dolphin – Poe
Back Back Train - Aerosmith

2) WHAT IS THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF MUSIC ON YOUR COMPUTER?
A couple thousand, I haven’t checked, I have them downloaded in two different programs and I never added them up…

3) THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Had to replace my Massive Attack Mezzanine, someone trashed it, filthy bastards.

4) WRITE DOWN 5 SONGS YOU LISTEN TO A LOT OR MEAN A LOT TO YOU
Uh… the first five on #1….

1) WHAT IS THE GEEKIEST PART OF YOUR BOOK COLLECTION?
The multiple books on vampire lure and mythology (I’m kinda freaky about it).

2) WHAT DID YOU DO ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Got into an accident on my lunch break (Dee was driving, not me), spent half the afternoon in the police station, then went home and tried to sleep because I had a migrane. Great day. It's Single Awareness Day to me anyway, so it worked out perfect.

3) WHAT DID YOU GET ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Not a Goddamn thing.

4) WHAT IS YOUR SECRET GUARANTEED WEEPING MOVIE?
Oh, wow, there’s two, hard to decide. Actually, they’re the only two chick flicks I like/own… Boys on the Side and The English Patient.

5) IF YOU COULD HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?
Thinner thighs and get rid of my turkey waddle. It’s genetic, no matter how hard I work out, they’re always there…

6) DO YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL FEAR?
Which one? I’m absolutely terrified of clowns, which is kind of irrational. Not so keen on heights, either.

7) WHAT IS THE LITTLE PHYSICAL HABIT THAT GIVES AWAY YOUR INSECURE MOMENTS?
I shrink. It’s the easiest way to describe it. I physically fold in on myself…

8) DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?
Not pals, but I’ve met quite a few…

9) WHAT DO YOU CARRY WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES?
Chapstick and gum

10) WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT BEING A KID?
Not much, I was a freakishly adult and responsible kid, the only difference between now and then is that it’s expected.

11) WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU WERE LISTENING TO?
Sex (I’m a…) - Berlin

12) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLAY?
Quite a few.

13) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Bad question. Ask me later… As of now, I can say I have LOVED, but not been IN LOVE. That explains a lot.

14) DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?
Didn’t she say in Stigmata “Why would I want to kill myself, I love being me?”
I’m like that.

15) DO TRANSIENT, HOMELESS, OR STARVING PEOPLE SOMETIMES ANNOY YOU?
Most of the time, no, but I’ve had my issues… It’s one thing to beg or ask, it’s another thing to harrass and get out of control. I can say that I wasn’t even annoyed when the two homeless guys whacked out when I was in Chicago…

16) WHICH MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD PLAY?
ANY, I never learned how to play one. I particularly would be interested in piano or the guitar, though.

17) FAVORITE FABRIC?
The Egyptian Cotton sheets I’m snuggled in RIGHT NOW.

18) WHAT'S ONE LANGUAGE YOU WANT TO LEARN?
Again, any. I can somewhat pass at Spanish and know enough key words in Romanian to make it through, but I would really like to learn some French (more for Creole, baby!)

19) WHAT DO YOU ORDER AT A BAR?
Depends. Cold be Vodka/Cranberry, Rum (or Whiskey) /Coke, Fat Tire or Corona (I’m a beer snob) or a good plain old shot. I leave the wine for dinner or relaxing with a book.

20) HAVE YOU EVER PIERCED YOUR BODY PARTS?
Sure, 11 in my ears, 1 tongue and 1 belly button. I have a few left that are on my list too (nothing hidden, sharp objects do NOT come near those areas).

21) DO YOU HAVE TATTOOS?
Only two, but I’m going for more.

22) DO YOU DRIVE A STICK?
Yep, sure do. Manual transmission 2004 Jeep Wrangler… It’s my baby.

23) FAVORITE TRAIT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Personality trait – sense of humor and honesty
Physical trait – eyes and smile

24) MOST FRIVOLOUS PURCHASE?
LOL, this still cracks ME up. I bought a hot tub and I didn’t even OWN the house… we rented.

25) WHAT ARE YOU BEST AT COOKING?
Oh, wow, this is a toughie… I can cook some damn good Cajun, pasta and down home southern cooking, also. I’m starting to delve into more of an Asian cuisine now, but, we’ll see.

26) WOULD YOU EVER GO OUT DRESSSED LIKE THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Sure, done it before, why not again? Problem is, boobage gets in the way, but, I tried…

27) WHAT'S ONE CAR YOU WILL NEVER BUY?
Ooo, that’s a hard one. I’d have to say a Geo Tracker, after owning a Jeep, I wouldn’t want to downsize, but there’s nothing wrong with them…

28) WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
I like a good mystery, but it’s hard to find (recently introduced to Harlan Coben, love his shit, it’s hilarious AND there’s a lot of twists and turns). Mostly I like reality based SciFi, I have a hard time getting into suspended reality out of this world stuff, I can’t associate with it and it’s difficult to draw me in.

29) IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Pay off my debt and travel. Even if it meant that I came home to a menial job and a mediocre life, at least I’ve seen some of the world.

30) DO YOU CRY IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Possibly, not much, but, it’s been done.

31) WHAT'S ONE THING YOU LIKE TO DO ALONE?
Anything, alone time is a rarity for me.

32) ARE YOU A GIVER OR A TAKER?
A bit of both, depends on who it’s with. Mostly I would like to consider myself a giver, but I’m sure that there are people that would disagree.

33) WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Last night. It was the craziest thing, too…

34) HOW MANY DRINKS BEFORE YOU'RE TIPSY/SLEEPY?
Too many variables to answer this question legitimately. Most of the time it’s at LEAST a $40 tab before I’m a little bit tipsy, but, there are times where it’s more and times where it’s less. Now sleepy, that’s a whole LOT, alcohol makes me WIRED (like dancing on the bar, hanging from the chandelier wired).

Accent: Mostly Midwestern, with a bit of the South mixed in. Sometimes the South is super strong, other times it’s not even there.

Bra size: 34D (that is, IF I can find a bra that size. Damn people do NOT make it easy)

Chore I hate: Dishes by hand. I’d rather clean a hundred toilets than scrub a grody pot.

Dad's name: DAD – Bill, S.D. - Mike

Essential make-up products: Moisture tint, powder, mascara and Rhubarb Burt’s Bees.

Favorite perfume: Ellen Tracy or Amour Amour (I’m in between at the moment)

Gold or silver?: ANY, I like to mix metals, actually. I prefer silver, but own quite a bit of gold, as well.

Hometown: Currently reside in a big city in the Midwest, but I truly consider my hometown BFE Alabama.

Interesting fact: I was born left handed, but the ignorant fools where I grew up considered lefties to be stupid and wouldn’t let me into kindergarten, so my mom taped my left hand and forced me to be a rightie.

Job titles: Office Bitch, sister, friend, daughter.

Kids: Trying to quit.

Living arrangements: Squatting in the parental unit’s basement (it’s finished, not like it’s cement and cinder blocks), BUT, I get to move in a WEEK, I’m so pumped!

Mom's birthplace: Small town, Illinois

Number of apples eaten in the last week: NONE. I’ve eaten a lot of oranges though

Overnight hospital stays: A few. I think 3, actually…

Phobias: We could be here for a while…. Ok, a lot of things freak me out, but I’m only TRULY afraid of clowns, heights (more the falling and watching other people lean over a railing, I have panic attacks if I get too close to one myself) and I’m slightly claustrophobic, but not terribly bad (meaning as much as clowns or heights, but still a phobia).

Quirks: I seriously have too many of these to count. I’m overly anal retentive, say whatever’s on my mind, fickle and have no qualms embarrassing other people at any given moment.

Religious affiliation: Ugh, not going there.

Siblings: Two half sisters that I currently live with, and last time I checked, two half sisters with my S.D., but I haven’t heard word on that part of my life since I was a little kid.

Time I wake up: 7:30am

Unnatural hair color: I’ve died my hair WAY too many unnatural colors to list here, but I’ve pretty much had EVERYTHING (some unintentional) and currently have a prudish snob hair color/cut because of the Nazi’s that pay me.

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Anything stringy. Mostly, celery though. Just the thought makes me vomey.

Worst habit: Bossy/control freak/anal retentive. Pick one.

X-rays?: WTF kind of question is that? Good Lord. Yes, dental, a few bone, even had my cat scanned and a few other FREAKISHLY claustrophobic procedures done. I really don’t get this question….

Yummy food I make: Haven’t I answered this question already? I think so. See above…

Zodiac sign: SCORPIO And I fit the bill, EXACTLY.

I Tried

2005-02-26T00:15:00.000-06:00

I tried to get ahold of E, but to no avail. I even tried calling TWICE. Oh well, I guess he'll call me back and we can continue this pattern for a while.

I did however have a great evening otherwise. I got off work 30 minutes early, went to Buttpan's house to get him, then we went to get Stein, and off for some serious shopping for the apartment. I spent WAY too much money, but doggon it, it's SO FUN!

We went to get some food and drinks, then off for MORE shopping, and finally ended up at the boats. Nothing to even out overspending by flushing money down the tubes on a slot machine. I was the only lucky one, the other two went through an accumulated $60 and I walked out $20 up. Not too shabby for an hour's work.

I'm not quite ready for bed, yet I don't want to do anything very constructive. I really should pack and clean, but I have a week to do that. It's odd that I'm so anal retentive when I'm the worst procrastinator in the world. To top it off, there is absolutely NOTHING on tv. WHY in God's name do we have satellite and at least 500 channels if there is never anything on? It's just more buttons to push with the same result.

I really should pop in a DVD, but I'm too lazy to walk across the room to get it. I think I'm going to follow suit from J and post some quizzes... I thought they were interesting enough, I'll share. Though, it's sort of redundant to be saying this considering I'm sure everyone will read this AFTER the quiz, but, screw it, hope you enjoyed it all.

I've Been a Bad Bad Girl

2005-02-25T09:16:00.000-06:00

I've been careless with a delicate man... Sound familiar? Yeah. I didn't realize he was so delicate, and I wasn't intentionally being careless, but you get the point.

I feel terrible. Really, really terrible. I was backing away from E before this whole mess started. At times he backed away from me, too, so, it wasn't just me. Then I met A, thought long and hard, and decided what to do. I tried getting together with him for a couple days to no avail and finally, I did it over the phone.

I was very blunt. I tried to be nice about it, but still blunt. I do NOT want a relationship (with him anyway), I can't do this, I want him to be happy but I'm not happy right now, so move on with life without me. So far he's called EJ and stopped by her house checking on me and trying to see what's going on. Obviously he didn't get it.

She said he looked terrible and was trying to get information from her. He's called me twice since I talked to him, only leaving a message once. I intend to call him back, but haven't had the opportunity. Now I'm definitely going to call, I just need to think about what I'm going to say.

He left me another message last night. The last message he was monotone and kind of dead sounding, this time he was upbeat, at first.

"Just calling to check in.... thought you'd be awake... hope all's well... wanted to let you know I still love you..."

WHA?! Ok...

"Yes, I said I love you, and I mean it. I've never said it before and was planning on telling you this weekend and not over voice mail, but I don't know when I'll be able to talk to you next..."

That's when the tone changed. He seriously sounded like he was holding back tears, like he was crying or going to cry. He hurried and then abruptly hung up.

I am so terrible. I thought I did things well this time, but evidently not. I don't know what to do. Obviously I'm definitely going to have to call him ASAP and get this straight, but what do I say? I've already done enough damage, to the poor guy, he doesn't deserve this.

What's The Point Of A Wankey If You Can't Wank It?

2005-02-24T22:28:00.000-06:00

Sorry, but I was going to post an update, and I'm sitting here watching tv, and some dude's (yes, plural) are pulling heavy stuff with thier junk and another one yanked it flat and is like Gumby. I don't get it. They've dicked with their dicks so much that they don't work anymore.

Anyway, I was GOING to say, that I've had a very good past couple days. I successfully spent every evening with A and had an absolutely fabulous time. It was just amazing. Things are going so well I'm just excited.

We're going to try things out, see how they go. It's kind of funny to say that, though, considering the way things went, he seemed about two seconds from selling his house and moving here. He was supposed to leave last night and go tot his next appointment out of town, but he stayed and rescheduled everything. Even when he was going to leave tonight, he kept coming up with excuses and things to do so he wouldn't leave.

Finally, he's gone and we're talking tomorrow about who's driving where and when, so we can meet up again. So far, this is very different than any other relationship I've been in, and I FEEL different than I have in any other relationship. I'm not saying anything big here, just that things are going well and I'm excited to see how they pan out, that's all.

I'm SO Addicted...

2005-02-23T16:12:00.000-06:00

An underwriter sent me this email, and I can't stop playing.


If you play up to 40 or 50 meters(correction, it's 30), he yodels!



Try this and see how far you can keep this
drunk man up.....Good Luck!

You just move your mouse left to right
(no clicking) to keep him walking in a straight line.
The object of the game is to keep him walking,
without falling over, by using your mouse from
left to right or right to left - you can't see
your mouse which makes it more difficult.
Apparently the record is 82 meters!
It's in German and ITS
ADDICTIVE!

http://www.wagenschenke.ch/

P.S.

2005-02-22T13:52:00.000-06:00

Previous post was NOT because I was hurt or offended. I was not pointing anyone out and I apologize for any confusion or misinterpretations. It was because I realized that I probably sounded like a nut job, not because I felt like I had to justify my actions because someone upset me.

It takes a hell of a lot to upset me or offend me, and that wasn't even CLOSE to scratching the surface. I'm kind of a stone cold bitch, most of the time, so, no offense taken in any way, ok?

Sorry KK, didn't mean for it to come off that way! I was just pointing out that you made me think on how I childish I sounded, that's all! I'm ALL sorts of good!

Ok, now that we've gotten all this disclaimer stuff out of the way, let's get back to regular broadcasting....

Just So You Know

2005-02-22T12:07:00.000-06:00

I'm really not a flip flopper. I promise. I didn't just up and decide to do what I did Thursday night alone, nor was it really sudden. I know it may seem like that to you folks, but realistically, it wasn't.

Ken previously mentioned in comments that he was gone for a few days, and came back and everything changed. I guess it would seem like that. But then again, he had also posted about what he chose TO post, and that's the boat that I currently lie in.

We all do it, really. It's our blog, we post what we want. Well, I was chosing to post the good, as opposed to airing the fact that I was confused and questioning things. Well, let's put it this way, I was so confused that I didn't know WHAT to post, and really never told anyone about it, but those who knew me personally also knew that things weren't right without me even saying anything about it, so this wasn't much of a shocker to anyone. It all just happened so abruptly that it did seem like I was a flaky 16 year old. Which I'm not proud of, I must admit. Once I make my mind up I do it, and that's what I did.

If I would have cut things off when I first started doubting, I would have had over a month to relax before I met A and things spiralled from there. So, I'm a procrastinator and overthought things, and waited until I really had to do it. Only THEN did I decide to tell anyone. I'm weird like that. I think I need to be better about all that, not keeping everything in.

I just grew up being told over and over the old sayings. "Treat others the way you want to be treated" and "don't do or say anything you wouldn't want printed in the newspaper the next day" are the big ones that pertain in this medium. What I say here IS in print already. Though I change names and disguise myself, it's not rocket science to figure out who I am, and things ALWAYS have a way of catching up with me. I should just let it all out. I feel like a conspiracy theorist...

WOW, Just WOW

2005-02-22T01:08:00.000-06:00

I did it. I officially did it. I told E that he didn't do anything wrong, the "it's not you, it's me" thing was really right, I'm overwhelmed, I'm stressed, I have a lot going on, the whole thing, and that we couldn't see each anymore, I couldn't do it, it's not fair to him.

He kept saying he didn't understand. Poor guy, I didn't know what to say. Finally I just told him that neither did I, I just knew that I needed to get my shit together and couldn't do that with him. Done.

I talked to A off and on all day. Via email of course. Gotta love technology. I emailed his phone, he would text back. We had a great convo, though, and met up tonight.

Can I just say OH MY GOD?! It was a little awkward at first, but once we sat down and got to talking, it all just fell into place. We had just crazy stuff in common, similar points of view, different interests but that was good different.

It is crazy. I have never been in this situation before. The chemistry thing EJ talked about is DEFINITELY true. It's not just "I wanna mount you" chemistry. It's like a connection chemistry, too. I can't describe it right now, I'm too pumped still.

We're talking tomorrow to figure out when we can see each other before he leaves. He said worst case scenario, he'll stop by on the way out of town Wednesday and we can have dinner, he'll just drive late. The one thing that sucks is that he's out of town, but he pointed out when I was leaving that it was only a couple hours away, we'd figure something out.

I know I seem redundant, this is guy two and not really a break between, and normally I would agree. I'm going to have to wait things out and see, myself, but I can say right off the bat that this is NOT like any relationship I've ever had. Even if it's just a couple dates and never again, it will be an interesting experience and someone that I'm glad I met. Although, I admit, already I can say that I DO want SOMETHING.

I'm SO Busy Today

2005-02-21T14:53:00.000-06:00

Just call me the posting queen. I don't know why I keep posting a bazillion times today, but I can't help it. I think it's because so much has happened in the past 4 days that I'm about to explode and need to get it out, cuz I know my friends are about to say "ENOUGH ALREADY!"

So, Friday we went to see Constantine, it was awesome. Some of the dialogue was cheesy, but it was intended and kind of put an interesting twist to the movie. I recommend it, and I NEVER recommend movies, I'm a very harsh critic. I got Saw that night, too. Watched it TWICE already this weekend. I fucking love that movie. Another awesome one, by the way.

Saturday I got up, FINALLY decided on a bridesmaid dress for Judy's wedding. Long story short, a couple weekends ago, Judy and I went and picked out a few more because Ghetto (the MOH) didn't like the other one's we'd picked, yet she wouldn't actually go along and pick them out herself, so we keep going out and hoping she'll ok one of them. I told Judy this weekend is the LAST time, I'm done. She needs to put her foot down or make Ghetto do it.

So, Judy, 2 other bridesmaids and I went, picked one, and it's the two piece version of the one Ghetto is making us wear for HER wedding, so she better like it or she'll have to consult with her own MOH about THEIR selection. THEN, I went furniture shopping. I picked out a couch, chaise, and awesome freaking chair. Love it. Red couch, khaki chair and ivory chaise, and it matches ALL the Asian decorations I already have, which rocks.

Unfortunately, they said at first they had everything and can deliver it in two weeks, but when I actually bought it all, they said the chaise is in, but the chair is back ordered, and MIGHT be in the delivery with the chaise, and that the couch is completely sold out and they'll probably have to do another delivery for it, too. At least I'll have ONE thing to sit on in my new place.

Saturday night we went dancing at a few gay bars. It was Stein's first time and Buttpan went with his brother, too. Now, Buttpan is very A. He's our best bud, one of the girls, everyone is curious as to his preference, but he says he's just out for fun and doesn't want a relationship, but his brother's gay. We had a freaking BLAST, and Buttpan is SO straight in comparison to his brother and everyone else there, yet you get him away from all that and go back to questioning it. It's an ongoing cycle.

Sunday I got all my measurements from the apartment for washer/dryer and blinds, then got ALL my bathroom stuff and some more decorations that I couldn't live without. Then I went home and went through EVERYTHING that had been in storage since I moved in with my parents to do inventory. I'm pretty set, actually. I just need a toaster and coffee maker, and the rest is normal cleaning supplies and standard stock/grocery stuff. Yay! Next weekend I can just pack my bedroom and be DONE. I'm so proud!

I'm so excited about moving, I can't wait. I get to live on my own for a whole month before Stein joins me. She's going to Europe in June and wanted to save a bit more money, and my Paternal Unit is helping me out by paying her half while she's not living there, just to get me out of the house. Not like my parents want me out, it's just that they can tell I'm miserable and want to make things easy on me. Last time this happened I ditched and was MIA for over 6 months and ended up leaving the state. This time they want it under better circumstances so they're helping.

I'm definitely not complaining though. Sometimes I feel bad, I'm 25 years old and they have to help me get a place, yet, don't feel SO bad cuz they ran me out when I was 18 and I never got help then.

Oh well. Times change. I better get some work done...

Pt. 3

2005-02-21T14:38:00.000-06:00

Yes, another update. Why? Because I'm really anxious and bored and this is my outlet.

So, the Nazi's left the office for a while, and I decided to just do it. I called E. He didn't answer the freaking phone. For Pete's sake. EVERY time I find my balls to do it, he doesn't answer or something is in the way of doing it.

I did leave a message, very monotone back, and said that I wasn't mad at him, it was nothing he did. I'm just very overwhelmed and stressed and lost and many other things and I'm checking out of social life for a while, but I wanted to give him a call and talk about things. Call me back, here's when I'll be available. Done.

I know, there are lies involved there, but the majority of it is true. I really do need to get myself in order. Having a relationship with him is seriously interrupting my school and home life. Tack on the fact that I'm moving out, which is even more stress, and I'm doing it for some alone time.

Stein isn't moving in for at least a month after I do. It gives me a chance to do my own thing, be alone, get some shit figured out. I've never had that opportunity and I'm really looking forward to it. I do need to lay low and reorganize and I can't do it with him. He doesn't need to know anything beyond that.

Oh Hell, pt 2

2005-02-21T13:08:00.000-06:00

E just left me a message. He thinks I'm mad at him, he did something wrong, but he was still monotone. I don't get it. He started acting weird before I even met A and all this came to a head.

Granted, maybe I was acting weird too, things had been odd for me for a while, but still. I want to call E and talk to him about it and just DO IT, but with him thinking that I'm mad at him, I don't think that's a good idea. I'm going to have to settle it down for a bit, then do it.

The sad thing is, that the "it's not you, it's me" thing really is the truth right now, but there is NO WAY I can use that line. I think I really might just take a step outside an a little bit and just do it, tell him that I'm overwhelmed, have so much on my plate, I'm taking a reality break to get my stuff together, he didn't do anything wrong, he's a good guy, did things right, yada yada.

It really is the truth, he just doesn't need to know that I've got a "back up". A is long distance, we'll be friends if anything, and even if we do end up dating, he's far enough away that I CAN get my stuff together and just happen to date someone. I need to get my head back in school, I'm seriously slacking to the point where I really need to talk to my professor and see if I can even recover.

It doesn't help that I almost feel smothered by E, and there's no real chemistry or future in sight anyway, and it's not fair to him to continue. What is it with relationships lately? Goodness.

Oh Hell

2005-02-21T12:43:00.000-06:00

Things are just not working out. I think I'm gonna have to do it by phone.

E called and left a voicemail last night which I didn't even notice until this morning. Again, monotone, just saying hi, but it was weird and vague again.

Come to find out, he called EJ yesterday afternoon asking when she talked to me, making sure things were ok, all that, and she said he was normal to her. First off, I wonder why he's calling her to check on me. Secondly, why is he normal with her and all weird with me? WTF.

I hate working today. Most of the companies I deal with are closed, most government offices are closed, and most clients assume we're closed, so, why are we here? UGH. I have better things to do right now.

Only In My World

2005-02-20T23:55:00.000-06:00

It's official, I'm breaking up with E. I really do like him, but it's not going to work out. I've been pondering this for a while, and I don't like to admit it.

I got into this relationship not wanting one. I wanted to have a good night and he actually happened too call me in the end. We went out for a while, and then I was his girlfriend. Things started to get more close and intimate, and I thought they were right, but I didn't FEEL like they were. I thought maybe if he said the L word then I'd feel better about it, yet every time it seemed like he was coming close, I really hoped he wouldn't.

Not only that but I didn't want a relationship, and I got into one. Normally that would be ok, but at some point in my life I want to get married, have kids, settle down, and I don't see that with him. Just having fun would be ok, if it didn't seem like he was investing more and feeling more at this point than I am, and that's not fair to him.

I was thinking about what to do when I met A, and in hours I immediately liked him more than E, and I'd been dating him for months. That's not right. It wasn't because it was "new" or anything like that, it was legitimate. I consulted with EJ the next day and she said that the chemistry was there, where as when I met E, it wasn't.

She's right, I started to like E after a while more because of his personality, there wasn't much chemistry for me and still isn't. It's definitely time to move on. So, Friday I was going to do it, after he got out of practice and I got done with my movie.

He never called, it was the first time since we met that he hasn't called before he went to practice. He called while I was in the movie and said he knew I was in it, but he had friends coming over. He was very monotone about it all. Not like him.

I talked to him after the movie, he was still monotone, kinda crabby, and I told him that I wasn't going over, and he said he'd talk to me "sometime". Saturday rolls around, and he calls me, not able to do anything or see me until RIGHT when we were supposed to go out with my friends at 10pm. I cancelled on him, said I was stressed, tired, etc. and wasn't going to do anything and stay home. Lie I know, but I needed to do something, I couldn't bail on my friends, we'd been planning the night for 3 weeks and had a LOT of people getting together, and I couldn't have him come with.

He called today leaving a message that he wouldn't be available tonight either. WHEN am I supposed to do this? Good Lord. I think I'm gonna have to do it over the phone even though I didn't want to do it that way. Something is definitely going weird with him though.

Moral dilemma

2005-02-18T00:16:00.000-06:00

Y? Y me? Seriously. Ugh.....

So here I am, every day, posting about my situation about E, and I'm in a new conundrum. I always do this.

Every relationship I've ever been in I feel like I've settled. BH was a total high school thing, but beneath me, CA was WAY below my standards. I think back on things and think that I do this because they won't disappoint me. I can control them, rule the way things go. I am a control freak, that's what I do. But in the long run, they end up controlling me.

Since I've broken up with CA over a year ago, I've realized a lot of things. I'm going to shoot for my bracket, not look down, not let someone control ME cuz that's NOT ME. I always end up losing myself when I'm in relationships. I don't understand why I do this, but I do it. Maybe it's the programmed "women should be submissive, barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen, blah, blah, BLAH" Ugh.

So, I meet E, free spirit, meets my new found free spirit, I really like him, have a LOT of feelings for him. Do I love him? Possibly. But then again, I'm known for falling in love so easily. He pays attention to me, seems to worship me, does anything for me, so is it real? Erm, maybe. Hence my problem.

I think that's why I'm so eager to hear it from HIM, if he says it, it's real, right? Wrong. I don't know if I really feel this way or if I feel this way because it's the way I SHOULD feel. I've been toggling over this for a while. (Ask Stein, I've talked to her about it for a while...)

So, tonight, EJ invites me along with her and a coworker that's in from out of town, a guy that she's been trying to get me to meet for over 6 months. WHY?! Ugh. Really now. Boyfriend is great looking, I mean, NICE, great personality, didn't hesitate when I busted out all my normal standard grotesque and devils advocate comments and less than 20 minutes into meeting me tells me how much he wishes that he met me when EJ first wanted us to meet, before his past relationship.

The night continued from there. Nothing happened. I was a good girl, which surprises me, I never am. But he made blatant passes, comments, things along this nature until the end.

He wanted to know what I was doing. Well, I happened to be going to the movies with Buttpan and Stein, but, I was already running late, so things were open. BAD! BAD LZ! I'm going home. I've had a bit to drink, I'm going HOME...

"Do you think it'd be improper if we, uh, well..." he said as he pointed to EJ.

"I don't quite know what 'well' is, but I'll be right back, you can ask HER whatever you're talking about," I replied. I broke the seal by the way. BAD idea, another BAD idea, I'm filled with those tonight, evidently.

So, I come back and you know what my BESTEST friend in the whole wide world says to me?

"So, are you taking him home, or am I?"

Nice. Gotta love her. Thanks for making this easy on me.... I love her, this is MY issue, not hers, she's just trying to open a girls horizons a bit, it's ok. Really. But, I was about two seconds from pulling girlfriend aside to have a real "chick pow-wow".

I was good, we left, he gave me his card with his number on it. He said he KNEW I had more to consider and another person at stake and wanted to give ME the time. Great. That makes me feel a bit better. But while doing this wanted me to know that it wasn't just a "tonight thing", he really did want me to give him a call, put the ball in my court, wanted me to get to know him better.

I knew of course that if I was a bad girl I would have taken a few trips around the block and gone to his hotel and I would have been golden, but I didn't. I immediately jumped on the phone, told Buttpan and Stein I was late and why, and they made the executive decision to skip the movie and meet me at Applebee's to have ANOTHER drink and discuss things.

I talked to them and my dad. Why I called my dad? Because as jacked up as our relationship may seem, he really nows me better than any individual in the world, and even if he DOESN'T think I should settle down, he'll tell me the truth regardless. He says that I've been apprehensive about E from the start, and whether it's because of HIM or because of me and my over analyzing, it doesn't matter, I need to take a step back and think about whether I want to have fun or have a relationship.

No shit Sherlock, that's what I'm having a FUCKING PROBLEM WITH. Do I really feel the way I feel about this person or do I feel this way because he MAY feel that way about me and I've been programmed to think I should do certain things in return?

His answer? "Human nature". Arg. Like I dodn't already realize that the problem is human nature. I mean, yes, alcohol, doesn't help the issue. But, it's the truth serum, I have made a lot of important and CORRECT decisions drunk or while drinking because it makes things more simple this way.

Not so much now. I think I need to sleep. CRAP. Why does this always happen? Is it because I think that there's always something better because I always settle? Am I settling now? Am I doing things right? Am I over thinking things? For Pete's sake, I'm too freaking young to worry about this shit. For real.

I thought I wanted to settle down like the "pattern", then I decided what I wanted to do with myself, and I realized that I AM too young, and even if I DID get married, have kids, whatever, and still go with my plans, that I wouldn't be happy unless I did my plans and had time to be YOUNG. So I'm doing it, and was content doing it solo. Until I met E... I was ok with E until I met A..... Momentary lapse? Maybe. Never did anything, but still... Enough to think about...

Improvements

2005-02-17T10:05:00.000-06:00

Well, headache is gone, for now. I took the day off yesterday to try and get rid of it. It was starting to move into migrane territory, which is always dangerous with me.

I slept, relaxed, took a bubble bath, and it pretty much went away. Last night I went to E's old place to help him move the last of his stuff. Unfortunately there's still a carload left, but he can get that on his way home from work tonight.

I did get a mighty fine neck and shoulder rub out of the deal. If I was having problems with my headache coming back, it went away. It was a great night otherwise. We just hung out, snuggled, and got a fairly good night's sleep.

Let's hope things continue picking up and I can officially end the week on a good note. HOPEFULLY I'll have heard from the apartment complex and will know iff I got it or not!

Trying to Cheer Myself Up

2005-02-15T16:18:00.000-06:00

I admit it, I kyped this from YankeeBob, but it's good! EJ keeps telling me I have to buck up and go against my grain and SHOW E things cuz I'm terrible about this...

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get.
Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you.
Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte.
And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.